Emotions run high

Red-nosed, water-works... it was an emotional night watching American Idol tonight. The hair on my body started to stand from Naima Adedapo onwards (singin Donny Hathaway's For All We Know - watch it here ), tearing and grinning by Alyson Jaydos (the rock n roll chick whos in love with Steve Tyler - watch it here ), and by the last contestant, Chris Medina, it was pouring dawgs and I was sobbing and crying my eyeballs out.

I totally enjoyed watching how Alyson was so overwhelmed when she got to meet her all-time idol, Steve Tyler. I had tears in my eyes and was so happy for her!!! Its something  that I can totally relate to, being a former groupie myself. Heh

Perhaps it is the emotional build-up from the past few days. But also cos when you look at the things that befall others, you reflect upon your own life and be reminded to be thankful to be in the pink of health. The story of Chris Medina really touched me. (Just a side note: I know that this is all tv and they sensationalise things and they exploit your personal life to sell their programmes, but that aside.)



The first things that caught my eye was how beautiful his fiancee is, Julianna. But she was involved in an accident and she suffered brain injury, yet Chris stays by her side, loving her when she needs him the most. And when he started singing the chorus, the tears just came crashing down. Ergghh, I'm such a sucker for these kinda things.

Just shows how unpredictable life can be and we never know what is in store for each of us. One day we can be merry, laughing out loud, basking in the warmth of our loved ones but some time down the road, you dunno what can happen. Sometimes we forget that life can just be so fragile like that.

Appreciate everyone who's been there for you - thats what I will say. Don't take time on earth for granted, you never know when it will be taken away from you. And LIVE!!!! LIVE YOUR LIFE!!! And I don't mean drifting through it and floating along. Take charge and make every moment count.

(Sidetrack... This kinda reminds me of that day I went to watch the movie 'Hereafter'. Only after watching the first 15mins of the movie (I'm not gonna say what it is about, for those who hasnt seen it), I swore to myself that I will try to be kinder and do good deeds, through gestures however small and trivial, as much as I can cos at least if God takes away my breath after that, I know that the last thing I did made someone smile.)

Watching Chris Medina's story as I reflect on my own life, I wonder who will want me if I get sick and useless. If not for my parents, who else will love me? Those men who paid for me? Pfffft. They only want my boobs and booty.

If someone else had to take care of me, will they throw me in the dumpster if I get too tough to handle? Will they taint my food with rat poison so that I'll just be done?

I know my parents are the only ones who loves me but yet I'm lying to them every single day about what I do. God will definitely get me for this and I know I shouldnt take too long to turn back before its too late.

Through thick and thin...
Till death do us part...
In sickness and health...
For better or for worse...
What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me the most?...
- Chris Medina (American Idol S10 Auditions Milwaukee)

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Marcus & The Drop Dead Diva

Just finished watching Drop Dead Diva online cos I know I'll miss the first episode when it premieres on Channel 5 this Thursday as I'll have the Patrizio Buanne concert to attend.

This evening I was awaken by a sad dream I had from my evening nap. It was of Marcus. I dreamt that I was watching this short-haired brunette sing 'Leave Right Now' (Will Young). It was like in bar and I was sitting right in front when suddenly Marcus came out of nowhere, hugged her from behind and kissed her, like he meant to rub it in my face.

I immediately woke up but with a heaviness in my heart like I could just burst out crying. Since I re-hooked up with Marucs last Saturday, I've been talking myself out of feeling that sense of attachment to him, like I'm expecting something more. But you know thats not possible, even though Marcus is not a paying customer. He's the guy I keep around for my own pleasure and kinky office sex on the boardroom table.

And of course he's English. A rather snooty one at times. He doesn't believe in drinking tea out of a styrofoam cup - tea should be served in china. Bah... But that why I like him. He's got class. I like him also cos he's a little shy, not too brash or loud, Marcus speaks in a gentle tone, exactly how a gentlemen should speak to a lady. (Lemme digress a sec: I really can't stand those ROC women who talks so loudly in public with their irritating accent and high-pitch voices. Feel like slapping them and saying - You're a lady for goodness sakes. Don't talk so loudly like you want the whole of China to hear you! Anw, back to the topic). He insists on staying mysterious; which means I dont even know his last name. When I asked him whether he's married or seeing someone... he doesn't want to say. As much as I'm curious about him, staying mysterious is probably the best deal for him cos I know deep inside, thats is why I'm still attracted to him.

This scene is sooo 'Marcus' and I

Its so typically me. I like it mysterious. It makes it so much more exciting. Don't lemme get you all figured out cos then I'll lose interest. So last Saturday was the longest I've ever stayed in his office. More than an hour I think. He let me sit with him while he works when I promise to be really quiet and read my magazines. Its nice watching him work.

I remember the previous time that I met him, which was about a month or more, Marcus had a little cough. It was the first time that I saw the vulnerable, 'human' side of him and I immediately thought - Oh my baby isnt feeling well - and felt like I have to hug him some more. Ok I know, I'm getting soft.

Anw... yeah. When I was watching Drop Dead Diva, other than being able to relate to being a plus-size, the scene where Jane couldn't tell Grayson abt her feelings, really touched me. Of course in my situation its different altogether cos I'm a whore and I'm not supposed to have feelings.

But what happens when you start to feel but you can't tell that other person. Guess you don't have to be a whore to be in that scenario.

On another note, Dody does not sms me on Mondays now cos his wife is now home on Mondays. Heh, yeah... I stil havent broken up with him.

I just feel like snuggling up to Marcus right now... :(

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Brushed a Nerve

6.25 am.

My eyes are all red and swollen. Still sobbing as I write these words.

Just finished watching Episode 5 (Season 2) of the 'Secret Diary of the Call Girl'. In this episode, Belle/ Hannah's boyfriend finds out the ugly truth. I could just feel the devastation, of both Hannah and Alex. How finally, at long last, there is a man who's head over heels in love with you but then you have this big ugly secret. And for Alex, how he finally meets this amazing woman and he wants to share his life with her, just to walk in on her, with another man in bed.

I was suddenly struck by the thought that all these too could happen to me. Not that I think any man will ever fall in love with me (but then again you just dont know. Fate just has a funny sense of humour, at the wrong time). Alex's words of rage brushed a nerve in me and activated the flood gates.

He said he was disgusted... a disgrace... something like 'how would you feel if your girlfriend was fucking another man, and then fucks you'... Alex's pain, I could somehow understand.

As Alex stopped by Hannah's apartment later that night to return her things, he just threw her stuff on the floor. I totally felt for Hannah... how crushed she must have been. She didnt even mean to fall in love with him... and the moment she took a chance and tried to let herself fall for him, he slammed it back in her face. This scene - very familiar. You dont have to be a whore to relate to this.

That's why I'm never gonna fall in love again.

Then again, what is love?

"Falling in love... relationships... are things that happen to other people." (Episode 5, Season 2 :: Secret Diary of a Call Girl)

At the end of this episode, is this beautiful song by Adele, that just says it all... Hometown Glory



xoxo

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Latest Obsession

3.40pm ● taxi.

On my way to the office. My office, tt is. Working on a Saturday might sound dull, but honestly, I dun mind it at all. There is nothing better than an empty office, where u can do anything else but work. Heh.

I chanced upon an exciting discovery this week. While embracing my newly-found double life, I had googled to learn everything there is to knw abt escorting. And boy was I estatic to find out tt there was a drama series abt it! 'Secret diary of a Call Girl', is a series based in London, inspired by a real-life call girl who blogged abt her adventures. *Gasps* That is so me!!!

I was half excited and half worried now. What if my blog readers (if there is any, to begin with) thinks tt I am a copy cat?

The brit series, which starred Billy Piper as Belle/ Hannah, aired in UK on 27 September 2007. I only unearthed my slutty alter ego this year (2010)!

But perhaps I could offer a 'Uniquely Singapore' perspective. Before I left e hse jz nw, I managed to watch the first episode of Season 1 online. No thanks to online tv, I think now i'm hooked.

It was like watching myself sans e English accent. And of course we had many other differences. Firstly, Belle is quite hot (though i've nvr really been a Billy Piper fan cos she's got bugsy teeth).

Secondly, I dont hv a mother hen. I'm a freelancer, I 'operate' online n I screen my own customers (so no commission fee).

Thirdly but not e least, I indicate my preference for expats (tho most of the men who contacted me obviously dont understand the meaning of EXPAT), while Belle fucks anyone in London town cos they are ALL angmoh anw (mostly).

Whatever it is, we're all whores.

I guess i'm swiftly moving on - from Gossip Girl to Call Girl. Cant wait to watch the 2nd episode tonight. But not b4 I meet David. 10pm. Another one of those illiterate local men. Then again, girls like me cant afford to b too choosy.

Till next. xoxo.


{Sent via my Sony Ericsson Jalou}

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