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Showing posts with label political correctness. Show all posts

The Census is coming...

In a few weeks time, the census for 2011 will be dropping through your letter box. Frankly, it doesn't seem like five minutes since we did the last one but I guess that's just a sign of old age.

I have mixed feelings about the census. As I have an interest in family history, I have to say that the censuses from 1811 through 1911 have been very useful in my researches and have enabled me to trace ancestors that I otherwise would never have found.

There's also something fascinating about those old Victorian censuses filled in with their quaint old script. The 1911 was the first one filled in by the householder, so for the first time I was able to see my grandfather's handwriting. But I digress...

This is the age of the computer, and if you really want to screw things up, then get a computer! With a computer it is possible to collect and collate vast amounts of information - most of it meaningless and useless - which it would otherwise have been impossible to gather. This census will be 32 pages long and will take about 40 minutes to fill in. This is ludicrous. It is information for the sake of it. Imagine trying to do all that by hand with a quill pen. Impossible.

But that is the point. In olden times - before computers - we placed value on information and only collected what we really needed. Time is money and census collecting took lots of man hours.

There seems to be a growing backlash this time around about the quantity and intrusive nature of the information being collected. For example, do we really need information on racial origin when we have laws that say racial discrimination is illegal? Is it really any business of the state what our sexual persuasion is? Why do you want to know my religion?

It is tempting to fill in these returns with the contempt that some of these questions deserve. On the other hand, in a hundred years time, do I really want my great grandchildren to think I was a complete idiot because of some of my answers.

Perhaps that's the way to do it. Think of it as a message for your descendants and answer it accordingly...

Smokey drinkey music

To celebrate National No Smoking Day, this song is dedicated to my friends Leg Iron, BilloTheWisp and the Filthy Engineer as well as all the rest of you out there who like a smoke and a drink and don't like being told what is good for you...

Best enjoyed with a pair of headphones and the volume full up!

Politically correct

With a name like PC Air you might be tempted to think that this is a wind up...

The Thai airline has decided that it will employ ladyboys as flight attendants. They are, after all, quite common in Thailand and after advertising for staff, the airline was swamped with applicants by transvestites and transexuals.

The airline said that the qualifications for the ladyboy flight attendants were the same as for female flight attendants, with the additional provisos that they be like women in how they walk and talk, and have a feminine voice and the right attitude. The Thai Department of Civil Aviation says it has no problem with the policy and the airline says it may well hire some more from the 'third gender'.

I don't know about you, but I find this a little queer...

Play happy families with Hitler...

A Happy Families type card game caled "Fuhrer Quartett" has been put on sale in Germany.

The set of cards contains pictures and information on notorious historical figures such as Hitler, Franco of Spain and Ceaucescu of Romania. Each card features one dictator, the country he ruled, his educational background and how long he was in power.

A spokesman for the publishers said "We didn't really have a clear political idea in mind with the game but we did want to take away some of the power that these figures still have. When you can laugh at them, you don't fear them as much. I think we succeeded in finding the right mix of seriousness and fun!" Hmmm...

I get the impression that if I had invented this game myself and posted it on here, then you would have thought I was kidding, but I swear to you this is real. It never ceases to amaze me to what depths of stupidity and insensitivity people can sink to.

Strangely enough, the original game of Quartett was very popular in the Nazi era, so I suppose this version shouldn't really surprise me.

Rotten Boroughs - Wiltshire County Council

Picture this if you can...

In a Scout Hut in Wiltshire, an unpaid band of volunteers is holding a meeting. Reference is made to rumours in the NHS. The leader of the group, 70 year old Mrs. Anna Farquhar, says "You cannot help the jungle drums."

Up in the public gallery, a trouble making jungle bunny (offensive remark intended) shouts "You can't say that!" A bemused Mrs Farquhar thinks - quite correctly - she has said nothing wrong but being a polite old dear, she apologises anyway. The aforementioned junge bunny seems to be appeased and stops for tea and cakes after the meeting. No-one thinks any more about it, until...

Thump! 13 weeks after the meeting in the Scout hut — a ten-page report commissioned by Wiltshire County Council lands on Mrs Farquhar’s desk with the sinister sounding title 'Complaint Investigator’s Report'. The jungle bunny has made an official complaint!

‘The comment was inappropriate and caused offence' it says. Her colleagues had ‘failed to challenge’ her statement. There was a ‘clear lack of understanding of equality and diversity issues’ among the group. All this is, of course, total bollocks!

The bunny had been interviewed, of course, before the report was published. So, too, had members of other organisations that had dealings with Mrs Farquhar and her team. Scandalously, though, the only person who wasn’t interviewed was Mrs Farquhar herself or anyone on the 20-strong ‘steering committee’ who were present in the Scout hut. Except one, that is. And she was the one colleague who agreed with the bunny.

The story doesn't stop there and you can read more about it in the Daily Mail by clicking here.

What is clear in this case is that the Council wasted good taxpayers' money on a ridulous complaint which should, within the confines of the law, have been rejected out of hand on a test of 'reasonableness'. Because they failed to act appropriately, a decent woman has been caused unnecesaary stress and upset.

Frankly, if I were her, I would lodge an official complaint. This seems to work for everyone else!

Fast track policemen

Police minister Nick Herbert has come up with the most hairbrained idea of the year so far - and I reckon it will take some beating...

Apparently, the idea of making all new recruits join at the lowest rank of constable is no longer "fit for purpose". The daft bugger told a national conference: "The service needs to be open, more representative and diverse. It needs to attract the brightest and the best."

At the moment, all coppers undergo the same basic training and spend a year as a probationer or beat copper. In other words, they learn the realities of the job by starting on the lowest rung of the ladder. The Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) opposes a change and says there is already an accelerated promotion scheme which can fast-track graduates and others with experience outside the police.

Many years ago - more than I care to remember in fact - I was interested in joining the fraud squad. I was told that I would have to undergo basic training and enter as a constable, but it was made clear to me that I would soon gain promotion in view of my professional qualifications. There was no question of avoiding the basics. It was made very clear to me that I would have to start at the bottom - and I felt this was as it should be!

Commerce in this country started to go down the toilet when managers were brought into the organisation with theoretical qualifications but no experience of either management or the basics of the business. If we do this to the police, then the quality of this organisation will also suffer accordingly.

A review of police pay and conditions is due to present it's preliminary findings next month. In the interests of maximising relevent experience, the government appointed not a former senior police office, but Tom Windsor the former rail regulator.

'Nuff said...

Rewriting the classics...

In Orwell's '1984', The Ministry of Truth was responsible for re-writing books to fit in with the current political system.

Many of Orwell's predictions have come true - most noteably our surveilance society - but now Newspeak is coming to this country, slowly but surely pervading our lives.

I first noticed it when they removed the golliwog from the labels of Robertson's jams because it was "offensive to black people". What tosh! Like many children of my generation, I grew up with a golliwog doll. I loved him. He never once called me white trash or honkey.

The golliwog was, in fact, invented in 1893 and appeared first in a book by Florence Upton in 1895. In this book he was a hero and there were no negative connotations attached to him at all. It was Enid Blyton who displayed him as a mischief maker and caused him to be seen in a new light. So, bye bye Golliwog!

It seems that Miss Blyton has a lot to answer for in the exciting new world of Newspeak, because next we lost the goblins out of the Noddy stories. Apparently this was because they were always pictured with 'jewish characteristics' and this was also considered religiously offensive.

And so it goes on...

The latest victims are apparently to be the classics of literature. Just the other day it was announced that Huckleberry Finn was to be editted to remove all the racist language from it. Hang on, tho' - wasn't this language considered normal in the context of the time it was written? Wouldn't removing it from a classic somewhat dilute the content?

Worryingly, this trend is set to continue with other great works and I am forced to question whether it can ever be right to re-write a classic just in the interests of political correctness.

It seems Orwell was right - unless of course we decide to re-write '1984' as well...

What Christmas really means...

The lesson today is taken from the New Testament, 2010 p.c. edition...

And it came to pass that Mary, wife of Joseph, a lower-income benefit claimant from a disadvantaged family, was with child. And Joseph was sorely displeased and giveth unto his wife a backhander
And he sayeth unto her "How art thou with child, bitch, when thou hast not parted thy legs for me since we was espoused, init?"
And Mary did quiver, and replieth "An angel came unto me in a vision and sayeth that I was to be impregnated with God's child and that he would come forth in the world to end all our sins and his birth would be foretold by a great star and gifts from three kings"
And Joseph did take another swig from his Stella and giveth unto her another backhander, saying "That's the biggest bullshit I hast ever heard! This is the only fucking Stella event you are likely to see, you lying bitch"
But Mary wast not afraid, having the strength of the Lawed upon her. And she sayeth unto Joseph "I will take myself unto social services and wilst have thou arrested, thou heinous pig"
And so it came to pass that Mary was rehoused in temporary accomodation in the East End and Joseph was servethed a restraining order.
And so it was that on December 24th, Mary didst recieve a threatening letter from the landlord saying "I have re-rented thy flat so begone from here tonight, whore, or I shall breaketh thine legs"
And so Mary went forth into the night. And it came to pass that she stumbleth upon a homeless person and he taketh pity upon her, saying "Come unto mine squat in a nearby old stables where thou mighst findeth comfort in thine hour of need"
And at this moment, a great star burst didst appear over her head. "Taketh no notice," sayeth her benefactor. "'Tis only the bloody locals celebrating diwali"
And Mary went with him and as she entereth the stable her waters didst break and she goeth into labour.
And in the early hours Mary didst give birth unto a boy child, amongst great cries of pain and loss of much blood. And the child was laid in a manger for a bed
And three men didst appear in the doorway, fresh home from a party, and each weareth a paper crown on his head. And Mary did behold them and sayeth "I see three kings!"
And the first sayeth "Shit, girl, you been through it, ain'tcha? Have a swig of this.." and didst give unto her his bottle of Castlemaine Gold.
And the second sayeth unto her "I have nothing to give you but a few foreign coins" and handed her a Franc and some Cents
And the third sayeth unto her "Ah eh! I've nought for you, gerly, for I am only a poor scouser and am in a right state. Look. Even me hurr falleth out"
And so it came to pass that the prophecy was fulfilled. A child with no father was born in a manger, under a star burst, and 3 kings from the East End had brought gifts of Gold, Francs and Cents, and Hurr.
And the donkey in the corner brayeth "Eee Ore! It's a fuckin' miracle..."

Here endeth the lesson.

We shall now sing hymn 123 "We three kings from Orient are; One on a scooter, two in a car." All rise...

I hate wogs

After all this stuff about eco-fascists, I think we need a little light relief, so here's an interesting ditty by Eric Bogle.

Not very politically correct, but that's Australians for you!

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Common sense and justice

I have nothing but admiration for the Gurkhas who fight in our armed forces, which is why I am so outraged at the latest bout of bureaucratic stupidity.

In Afghanistan, a Gurkha soldier, under heavy machine gun fire, beheaded a DEAD taliban so that he could take the head back to base for identification against the most wanted list.

For this act of selflessness under fire, he has been suspended from duty, sent back to the UK and awaits court martial. Apparently, if found guilty, he could be imprisoned.

Here's the question I want answered : Since when has it been illegal in this country for a foreign national to behead a dead person overseas?

Apparently, the problem is that the Afghans consider it bad form to dismember a dead body. They like all the bits to be buried together. Perhaps we should remind the Taliban of this custom after their IED bombs have scattered bits of our soldiers all over the landscape or when they decide to behead our soldiers.

There's a simple answer to this problem. Stick the head back on the rotting body, slap the man's wrist and say don't do it again...

...and then give him a medal for bravery under fire!

Equal opportunities is bollocks

It will come as no surprise to you that I think Harriet Harman is a complete arse.

So I was not surprised that she wants the shadow cabinet to be comprised of equal numbers of males and females.

Personally I have never understood the feminist movement. Why the hell would they want equality with men? Why would they want to come down to our level?

Successive administrations both in the UK and EU have consistently introduced legislation on sexual and many other types of discrimination until we have got to the point where I have become an ethnic minority in my own country...

Someone once asked Sammy Davis Jnr what he thought was the secret of his success. He replied, "I'm a one eyed black jew. How could I fail?" Sadly Sammy, I think you have hit the nail squarely on the head.

I'm white, so naturally there is positive discrimination in favour of non-whites. It is a fact that if I am interviewed for a job, no reason has to be given as to why I was rejected. If I was not white, then I could demand to know the reason and sue if I did not like it.

I'm not a member of a non-Christian church, nor am I an immigrant. I am able bodied and (arguably) in my right mind. All these conditions carry their share of positive discrimination and are monitored by the nanny state.

As regards being male or female, if women want equal treatment, then let them open the door for me and offer me a seat on the train. Stand up when I enter the room. Be bound by the same business dress rules as I am. Buy the first round in the pub, and pay when we go out to dinner.

The truth is that women want equality without giving up the perks of their sex, and that there is no such thing as positive discrimination because if it is positive to one party, then it is negative to the other.

So, Ms Harman, I suggest you stop talking bollocks and, Mr Cameron, you could save a shed load of money by scrapping the Equal Opportunites Commission.

Euthanasia - The only way to go

An awful lot of guff is talked about human rights and none more so than about the right to life.

What about the right to die?

With dignity?

After all, it's my life and if I have had enough, then why should some goody two shoes know-it-all religious nut tell me that I have no right to end it?

If a dog has cancer and is suffering we take it to the vet and put it out of its misery. If a horse breaks its leg, we shoot it. If we fancy a steak or a chop, we don't think twice about killing the poor cow, sheep or pig. So what is it that is so special about the human being? After all we are just another mammal only smarter - well, unless you compare us to dolphins anyway...

"Ah", I hear you say "only humans have souls and God made us in his own image and gave us dominion over the beasts of the Earth." Absolute bollocks! Anyone who believes that God is a man with a big white beard and sits on a throne in the clouds is a demented lunatic and should be locked up immediately for his own safety and the safety of others.

The fact is that there is most likely no God, and even if there is then any man arrogant enough to think he has a direct line to Him and that He listens to what he says is deluding himself. If there is a God, then the creator of the universe is far to busy to notice this entire planet, let alone any individual on it. If the sun exploded tomorrow, then in the great scheme of things, it simply wouldn't matter. No-one out there would notice.

The fact is that the greatest human right we could possibly have is the right to decide what to do with our own lives. If I am suffering and I have had enough, then I want the right to end it. I want the right to ask someone to help me. I want the right for them not to be prosecuted for their compassion and compliance in helping me.

It must be my decision and mine alone and I would not condone for a moment anyone else taking that decision for me by either prolonging my life against my wishes or deciding to end it for me.

So put all the safeguards in place by all means but at least have the courage to grant me dignity and a death free from protracted suffering. After all, we extend that right to animals, so why not humans...

Are you 'avin' a larf?

Sometimes it is good to get away from politics and just settle down in front of the telly for a good comedy. It lightens the mood and refreshes the soul.

Or at least it used to...

Recently the complete absence of anything even remotely passing for comedy on the TV has sent me reaching back into the annals of time to find something that is actually worth the electricity consumed by the TV set. There is no shortage of such programs on the internet that can be downloaded and, believe me, I have trawled deeply lately.

But what has become apparent to me is the number of programs from the last century which today would never get past the program managers, pressure groups and censors that are strangling modern scheduling. Let's look back at a few that are fresh in my mind :

Dave Allen at Large

Sorry Dave, but we can't have you smoking and drinking on television! After all, we are telling everyone that smoking kills and that drinking ruins your mind and body. And all your jokes about the Catholic church - well that will never do. And please don't wave that missing finger around or you will offend the disabled lobby...

Not the Nine O'Clock News

The edition I just watched referred, amongst other things, to 'red commie bastards', 'niggers', 'poofs', and 'pakis'. How many laws does that list break? But it did at least say that immigrants 'couldn't help being black'.
And the police were portrayed as a bunch of thickies and thugs - which will never do!

'Til Death Us Do Part

The election night special with Alf Garnet stood in a pub having a row with Spike Milligan's character from 'Curry and Chips'. Do I really need to expand on the picture that is painting in your minds?

Spitting Image

The Queen Mum as a gin swilling Geordie, Norman Tebbitt in a nazi helmet, Gummer swine, John Major inspecting his peas, and many more. We all had our own favourites, but can you see that getting screened today?

The list is almost endless of 'politically incorrect' programs. Yes it is true to say that many were irreverent - indeed, they were offensive - but we laughed at them and at ourselves and didn't take them seriously. And we were the better for it.

Not any more. Comedy is dead. 'The Thick of It', for example, would be much better without the expletives that show it up as shallow, sensationalist and frankly lacking in real content. Billed as a 'Yes Minister' for the 21st century, you just couldn't imagine Sir Humphrey or Jim Hacker carrying on like that.

But then, they say art mimics life, and given the way things are these days, maybe there just isn't anything to laugh about any more?....