Kejar ptp

Showing posts with label Conservatives. Show all posts

That special relationship....

Obummer has just had a birthday and we've had a change of leader. So why not take a moment to reflect on the 'Special Relationship'?

America is pulling its troops out of Iraq, so there's a glimmer of hope that we might get out of there soon too. Unfortunately, this means that there will be troops released to go to Afghanistan - where, as we already know, it is dangerous for our troops to stand in front of theirs - or indeed to be found anywhere under the USAF.

Still, we junior partners know our place - which is why we are being directed by an American general.

Then there is the impending takeover of BP by Exxon much whispered about by the underground press. They've already got rid of Tony Hayward and replaced him with one of their own. And they have also conveniently overlooked the fact that the troubled well was drilled by a rig leased from them and operated by Americans. If Dave allows that to happen, then we might as well apply to be the next state! At least that will get us out of the EU...

And then there is the Magrahi affair. These cheeky fuckers have the nerve to summon Jack Straw, the Scottish Justice Minister and Tony Hayward to attend a Congressional Enquiry. When they all declined, the yanks decided to send one of theirs over to interview them. Thankfully, the Scots showed some admirable backbone and told them to get stuffed thus halting yet another devious manoeuvre in the BP takeover.

Well done Scotland. Your country is not an American state, although ours appears to be in danger of becoming one...

ANT and DEC - The Charity Appeal

As the President of Pakistan is visiting Chequers today, I thought it would be a good time to roll out my good friends, ANT and DEC.

No - not that Ant and Dec! - ANT (Another Natural Tragedy) and DEC (the Disasters Emergency Committee). These two are once again asking for your money to bail out the flood victims in Pakistan.

Perhaps when Asif Ali Zardari is taking to David Cameron today and, no doubt holding out the begging bowl for Britains cash, he should be reminded that Pakistan is the same nation whose people last week were out in the streets burning our national flag and effigies of the man he is talking to. Perhaps he should also be reminded that our government has already pledged millions for their aid.

That aid is, of course, not government money. It is taxpayers' money. Donated without a mandate on our behalf. Money we don't actually have.

So whilst the appeal launched last night is tugging at your heart strings, do what I do and remind yourself of this : "I already gave"

Paki bashing

Seems that Call-me-Dave has pissed off the Pakis!

Those of us that grew up in the sixties will remember that Paki bashing was a national pastime in those days. Then we got used to seeing them everywhere and them having a shop on every corner, so we accepted them as part of the national landscape.

Nothing wrong with that. The vast majority are law abiding, hard working citizens - so it's a good thing that the bigotry has gone.

Also, the Pakistanis in this country are a damn sight safer than they would be in their country of origin. It should be remembered that until recently, Pakistan was a military dictatorship which is about as far from a democracy as it is possibe to get! And old habits die hard...

Pakistan nominally allys itself with the United States in the global war on terror. However, terrorism is rife in the country mainly due to reactions to General Zia ul-Haq's controversial "Islamization" policies and his involvement in the Soviet-Afghan War, which led to greater influx of ideologically driven Afghan Arabs in the tribal areas and the explosion of kalashnikov and drugs culture. The state and the CIA encouraged the "mujahideen" to fight the proxy war against the Soviet Union, most of these groups were never disarmed after the war and were later encouraged by the Taliban to achieve the state's agenda in Kashmir and Afghanistan. The same groups are now taking on the state itself.

Between 2007 and 2009, more than 5,500 people were killed in terrorist attacks on civilians. These are attributed to a number of sources: sectarian violence - mainly between Sunni and Shia Muslims, the easy availability of guns and explosives of a "kalishnikov culture" and influx of ideologically driven "Afghan Arabs" based in or near Pakistan, Islamist insurgent groups and forces such as the Taliban and Lashkar-e-Taiba, and secessionists movements blamed on regionalism problematic in a country with Pakistan's diverse cultures, languages, traditions and customs.

So Pakistan has a double problem. It needs to be seen to support the US in its war in Afghanistan, and at the same time is being terrorised at home by sectarian and separatist terrorists. But on the other hand, it has been manouevred by the Taliban to support actions in disputed areas such as Kashmir. So at the same time it is trying to both fight and support the Taliban.

This would seem to make David Cameron's remarks about them trying to look both ways highly pertinent...

War - a fresh perspective

Seems there have been one or two fuck ups lately on the warfare front.

First, Nick Clegg stands up in his first Prime Minister's Questions and describes the Iraq War as 'illegal'. Oh dear. Sharp intakes of breath from the Tories behind him who voted for the war.

It should, however, be remembered that the Lib Dems have always regarded the war as illegal. It should also be remembered that just because someone voted for the war, that didn't make it legal. Show me the dodgy dossier and persuade me that Blair has integrity (difficult in my case), and I might have voted for it. But that still doesn't make it legal - so I reckon fair enough, Cleggy.

Then Call-me-Dave pops across the water to liaise with the great black hope. Unfortunately, he then pisses off the yanks by describing Britain's presence in Iraq as a 'supporting role'. True, but not very palatable. It's America's war, they're fucking it up and we seem to be covering all the difficult stuff. Truth hurts!

But just to show that he's not biased, Dave then pisses off his own veterans by saying that Britain played a junior role in World War II. Well, Dave, that's bollocks because if the Japs hadn't bombed Pearl Harbour we'd still be waiting for the yanks to arrive - just like in the first war.

So, all in all, I reckon that's 2-1 on the war front. Not a great result, but a result nevertheless...

Obama and Cameron have 'frank' discussion

Obama - hanging on the telephone...

US President,Barack Obama, has had a 'frank but friendly' discussion with Prime Minister, David Cameron.

This blog has received an exclusive transcript of their conversation :

Pres : "Hi, Dave. BO here. How's it hanging, ol' buddy?"

PM : "Great. And can I just say right away how much I really appreciate your troops not shooting me while I was in Afghanistan the other day."

Pres : "Don't sweat it, Dave. You just have to remember not to stand in front of our guys and you'll be just fine!"

PM : "This line is secure, right?" (There is a sound of sniggering in the background)

Pres : "Absolutely, Dave. We can say anything we want and not even MI5 or the CIA will know anything about it. Say, can we talk about this oil thing with British Petroleum. It's kinda giving me a hard time here..."

PM : "Well, I can see that would be difficult - but you know I have had strong words with Tony Hayward and he tells me that the oil's not hemorrhaging half as fast BPs share price."

Pres : "That guy couldn't plug a hole in his own ass, least of all a Gulf oil spill! Guess you know we're gonna insist on you guys paying for all this shit."

PM : "That could be a problem. You see we're flat broke over here at the moment. Perhaps we could pay you in some other way?"

Pres : "As long as you're not gonna suggest oil. We've got rather too much of that over here at the moment"

PM : "No, actually I was going to suggest double or quits on the football on Saturday. If we win, you pick up the tab. If you win, we'll let you have BP!"

Pres : "You're on, Dave. We'll whoop you assholes good!"

At this point, there is a twenty minute argument about the relative merits of soccer and basketball after which the President hangs up. Cameron is heard to remark "I think that went rather well, don't you?"

That election result in full!

David Cameron's sing-a-long-a-voter

Here's Dave doing a bit of Elton John with his personal appeal to you to elect him on May 6th.

"I guess that's why you vote for the blues
You've had enough of the lies and untruths
They treat you like children
Think that it's funny
Raise all your taxes
And spend all your money
So I guess that's why you vote for the blues"

Timing is everything

At last! I have been highly critical over the last few weeks of the lack of policy statements coming out of the Conservative Party.

When this campaign started at the beginning of the year, I understood why David Cameron was reluctant to put detailed policies on paper. Only an idiot would give his opponents the opportunity to steal their policies and present them as their own - and let's be honest, Labour are experts at doing precisely that.

Even in Thursday night's debate, I felt that Cameron did not nail Brown by coming out with concrete promises and guarantees, and consigning the Labour scaremongerng machine to the dustbin of history.

Well, I'm sorry Dave. I apologize. Your leaflet today leaves me in no doubt that I have greatly underestimated you because here it is at last.

I'm also sorry that I waited until today to vote, because like many others I was swayed by the polish and style of the LibDem performance. But while I think the electoral system is wrong, I'm not going to pay for changing it by giving amnesties to illegal immigrants and joining the Euro.

But there is one thing I am not sorry about - watching the death throes of a man who has done more damage to this nation than Hitler. Better start booking the removal van, Gordon - and good riddance!

I am now beginning to really believe that the Labour nightmare is drawing to a close - and frankly I can't wait to see the destruction of Brown by his own party once the voting is over. Never has it been more richly deserved.

My vote is in the post. Now let's get on with sorting this shambles out...

Come clean Cleggy - who ya gonna sleep with?

Tonight's the night of the third debate - but I bet no-one is going to put these questions forward :

To Cameron and Brown : What are you going to promise Nick Clegg to get him in bed with you?

To Nick Clegg : Can you trust either of these buggers to honour their promises?

First it's Labour, then you can't work with Brown, then you can again. It's not inspiring me with confidence...

I think we have a right to have these questions answered before we decide where to put our votes.

And just in case you need a lighter note, here's a cracking litte Clegg song I nicked off YouTube (Thanks to TommyReckless - nice one!)

Man undergoes first 'Full Face' transplant

A team of 30 Spanish doctors at Vall d'Hebron University Hospital revealed they have successfully performed the world's first full face transplant.

Another 10 face transplants have been carried out around the world, but this is believed to be the most complex.

Hospital spokesperson Bianca Bont said "This is the first total face transplant. There have been 10 operations of this kind in the world - this is the first to transplant all of the face and some bones of the face."

The man is pictured above with his wife Samantha. She commented "It's really thrilling for us. People were always saying how much Dave sounded just like Tony Blair. Well, now he looks like him as well."

Further operations have been planned, but the hospital is being very tight lipped about who the recipients and donors may be.

Does anyone out there have any ideas?

Three men in a boat called "Britain"

In the words of a poet called Robert Calvert :

Rowing, rowing,
Going nowhere
What do we care
If we get there?
Rowing, glowing,
Showing such flair
We're three men in a boat.

Let's play "Fantasy Government"

In the event of a LabServative Democrat government who would you like to see in the cabinet ?

The rules are simple - people have to be real and alive, but other than that you can have anyone. After all, Gordon does it that way doesn't he? You can give reasons if you like for any or all, serious or satirical.

I will reward a generous prize for the winner. My decision is final. No appeals to the European Court will be allowed. The prize is 10p - so you can use it to phone someone who gives a shit...

Here are my selections for the Fantasy Cabinet. Let's see yours!

Prime Minister : David Cameron (a toff always looks good)
Deputy Prime Minister : Nick Clegg (lost the toss of a coin with Cameron)
Chancellor : Vince Cable (best man in the wrong party in my view)
Foreign Secretary : William Hague (no-one patronises foreigners quite like him)
Home Secretary : Nick Clegg (Labour used this post to keep people out of the way)
Business & Consumer Affairs : Esther Rantzen (obvious choice)
Justice : Norman Lamb (he's actually a lawyer, which I would have thought could be handy)
Environment : Dick Sawbridge (demonstrates practical knowledge in the field)
Transport : Jeremy Clarkson
Defense : John Prescott (no-one would dare attack us with him in charge!)
Speaker : Jeremy Paxman (if Paxo can't get them to shut up, no-one can)
Energy : Simon Hughes (one Nick got right)
Europe : Nigel Farage (talks bollocks, so should fit in well)
Health : Gerry Robinson (Is there actually a doctor in any of the three party teams?)
Pensions : Teresa May (I wanted Barbara Castle, but she's dead and it seems Dave got this one right)
Northern Ireland : Gordon Brown (with luck they may shoot the bugger)
Scotland : Alex Salmond (let's face it, he's got the job anyway)
Wales : John Redwood (did such a good job last time)
Education : David Laws (seems to me Nick got this one right too)
Chief Whip : Peter Mandelson (You need a nasty, sneeky underhand bugger in that job)

What do you think ?

Cameron announces candidate for Cowdenbeath

Embracing his Parliamentary Candidate to fight Gordon Brown in his Kirkcaldy & Cowdeneath constituency, Camerloon said "Gordon has a majority of 18,000 in this seat, but we are confident that with a candidate of this quality, he is beatable."

My money's on the chimp!

And they're off!... Your guide to the runners and riders in the 2010 General Election Stakes...

With the election looming large for May 6th, there's the Dioclese definitive guide to which horse you should be putting your money on for the big day

They're off! The main hopefuls test out their mounts for the big race...

Tory Tiger ridden by Dave Cameron sired by "Soapbox" out of "Maggie May" :
From a long line of thoroughbreds and owned by the Eton stables. Came second in it's last three outings but with a new jockey aboard, it's well fancied this time around. Could be a close run thing - watch for a strong finish

Oh My Gawd ridden by Gordon Brown sired by "Tony the Tory" out of "Boom or Bust" :
A well known horse but an untested rider. Owned by a consortium of Trades Unions. Gordon Brown has been around a while. He was a stable lad for "Tony the Tory" but is now getting a ride in his own right for the first time. Was well fancied but recent form has lengthened the odds considerably. Could be tight thing between him and Dave Cameron, although Dave is carrying a lot less weight

Yellow Bird ridden by Nick Clegg sired by "Diddy David" out of "SDP" :
Bit of an outsider this one but could be good for an each way bet. Should finish in the top three. This horse has has lots of different jockies in it's recent outings, but now has a regular rider in Nick Clegg. Form at this outing could decide whether he gets a ride next time.

Jack 'o' the Green ridden by Caroline Lucas sired by "Swampy" out of "Hug a Tree" :
Not well fancied although did show reasonably well in Europe last time out. Female jockey might attract the mums' votes.

HMS Independence ridden my Lord Pearson sired by "Kilroy's Silk" out of "Get Us Out" :
Rank outsider. Recent spats for the ride between Pearson and rival jockey Nigel Farage have done nothing to improve its chances.

Raving Loony ridden by Alan Hope sired by "Screaming Lord" out of "Sutch is Life" :
Lack of any sort of sensible training program takes this one right out of the running. Will probably do well not to finish last, but does get some support from the younger punters. I wouldn't put your money on this one although it always brings a lot of colour to the proceedings...

Rampant Nationalist ridden by Nick Griffin sired by "Skinhead" out of "National Front" :
Not a popular horse this, particularly disliked by the immigrant community due to it's attitude to employing foreigners in the stable. Will undoubtedly make a good show before the race starts, but will fade badly during the running.

One Trick Pony ridden by Esther Rantzen sired by "That's Life" out of "Maggie-the-Moron" :
A new runner from the Luton South stable. Enjoys a lot of local support and could surprise a few people by making a good showing.

Economic Miracle sired by "Tax and Spend" out of "Boom 'n' Bust" :
Still looking for a rider. Could one of the leading jockies dump his ride for this one?

Some of the other declared runners and riders :

Taffy's Pride ridden by Wyn Jones - we don't think he'll 'wyn' this one though!
Tartan Toughie ridden by Alex Salmon - finds the going better north of the border
The Shamrock ridden by Gerry Adams, trained by Martin McGuinness - one of the livelier overseas entries
Archbishop's Canter ridden by Peter Robinson - talks a good fight
Ree-Spect ridden by George Galloway - not one to be taken remotely seriously and could well fail to finish

Non-runners :

The Lobbyist ridden by Geoff Hoon has withdrawn to avoid further embarrassment to the jockey
Terre Blanche will not be running having taken quite a beating recently on it's home course
Mandy is conserving it's strength for the next big race
Kelly's Eye has withdrawn due to the poor performance of it's owner/rider, Ruth Kelly
Duck House ridden by Peter Viggers, due to unforeseen problems with expenses

This promises to be a hard fought race with a big field, but has the potential to be a lot closer than the last three outings especially between the two joint favourites with huge purse money for the winner...

The Great Leadership Debate

It has recently been announced that there will be a televised debate during the run up to the forthcoming general election. This will give us a chance to look at the three main party leaders Gordon Brown, David Cameron, and Nick Clegg and to judge for ourselves who would make the best leader.

So let's take a look at each of the three party leaders :

1. David Cameron

David Cameron -- or 'Dave' as he prefers to be known -- is probably the most credible leader that the Conservative party has had for many years. But will he make a good Prime Minister? It has been said of him that he is a man with no substance, but only a fool would reveal details of his party's policies before it is necessary to do so. This would, after all, simply give your political opponents opportunities to steal your policies and present them as their own. New Labour has shown itself to be very good at this.

It is certainly true that Dave is a charismatic figure who has, during the recent debacle over MPs expenses, proved that he is capable of strong leadership. The inclusion of former opponents for the leadership into his Cabinet displays a certain confidence which is greatly encouraging. However, his recent assertion that the electorate will have a simple choice between Gordon Brown and himself also displays an unsettling arrogance. This arrogance has in the past been proven to be to the detriment of the party.

If, however, the election is to decided on personalities, then at least Dave seems to have one whereas Gordon seems on occasions to have had a charisma bypass.

2. Gordon Brown

It is undoubtedly true that Gordon Brown is an accomplished and able politician. Unfortunately, in the eyes of many of the electorate, the word politician is frequently taken to mean arrogant and devious. It is interesting to note that during his recent testimony to the Chilcott enquiry he ably showed his ability to answer the question without answering the question.

During an interview with Jeremy Paxman on Newsnight prior to the 1997 election Mr Brown was repeatedly asked whether he was planning to increase National Insurance rates. His response to this was to say that he had no plans to change the current taxation bands. When pressed by Paxman he simply repeated the same answer. Whilst it is true that he has done exactly what he said in relation to taxation -- notwithstanding the recent credit crunch which forced Alistair Darling to introduce a new 50% band -- we should remember what subsequent increases he made made to national insurance contributions.

The most worrying things about Gordon are firstly that he has never been elected either by the electorate or by his own party. Perhaps his opponents were too scared to stand against him in case they would have to face his temper afterwards? Secondly, he has surrounded himself in his Cabinet by people like Lord Mandelson and Lord Adonis who have also never been elected. This cannot be a good thing for democracy.

Mr Brown should either be given a mandate at the forthcoming election or kicked out. Nothing else will really do.

3. Nick Clegg

David Cameron's assertion that it is a two horse race has already been mentioned. This has upset the Liberal Democrats in a big way. However, it is undoubtedly true.

In a recent interview, Vince Cable -- an able economic spokesman for the Lib Dems who has wasted his talents by joining the wrong party -- admitted that he had no chance of becoming the next Chancellor of the Exchequer. Nick Clegg should remember whilst he is voicing his protestations of unfairness that he has about the same chance of being the next Prime Minister.

A hung parliament cannot possibly be a good thing, but if the latest opinion polls are to be believed then this is a very possible outcome to the forthcoming general election. Mr Clegg could well hold the balance of power but that is about the best he can hope for.

Whilst the Lib Dems appear to be very good at local government level, it must be a bad thing for this country that they split the vote during national elections. Whether you are a Labour or Conservative supporter I am sure you would be glad to see the back of the Lib Dems. Of course, if you are a LibDem supporter, you will think this is rubbish.

So should we vote for?

This is not really the big question. The big question is whether you should vote at all. Whoever you decide to vote for, you have an obligation to exercise that vote. It could be argued that voting should be compulsory as per the Australian model. There if you do not vote you are fined but you do have the option on the ballot paper to positively abstain. This would be a far better thing for British democracy and would unarguably improve turnout.

When it comes down to it, you have no right to complain about what you get if you do not vote. Bear this in mind come election day...

READ MORE » The Great Leadership Debate