Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts

I'm the 7-Year-Itch

I gotta admit I'm very much behind in updating my blog. You probably guessed it right. Somehow I've slipped into an affair with a certain gentleman I'ld like to call Dody (previously referred to as Shrek, but now I feel like it doesn't do justice... to Shrek. Heh.)

11.44am - Rainy Monday
I'm stranded at home due to the fabulously pouring rain. This is how Monday mornings should be. I've already called the office to say I'm out running errands and might not come in today. This was followed by a few other sms-es from colleagues (inc my boss) saying that they're not coming in to work also. Haha. This is why I love my day job.

As I was saying earlier, yeah... I think I'm having an affair with a married man. Wow. Another firsts box checked. Last Saturday, Dody finally asked me over to his place and we made love.

I've known Dody for 20 days now (inc. today) and last Saturday after that love-ly episode, I ended up spaced and zoned out throughout the rest of the day. That night, at a concert that I had to attend, I finally burst and started crying at one of the songs.

I still find it mind-boggling how a man can have an emotional affair behind his wife. When I was at Dody's place, I saw the pretty framed pictures of him and his wife. Now I knw what Dody meant when he once before said, "One day you'll see the resemblance you have to my wife"... and its true. His wife and I looked like we could be sisters. Infact, I think his wife looks even better that me. But then again, those were his wedding pics from 7 years ago.

Oh yes, did I mention that I'm his 7-year-itch...?

WHY?? WHY?!!! How can a man bring himself to break that wedding vow?

Since I first met Dody, we've only met at his restaurant. I've been there about 4 to 5 times and even have my own special table. Table 60. We'd make out on his couch at the back of the dining area after closing time and I'ld come back like 3 in the morning everytime.

Dody is not a paying customer. More like a sugar daddy who feeds me well. Too well cos I'm putting on a bit of weight no thanks to the late night suppers. He makes the best coffee, showers me with chocolates, foots my cab bills and he checks up on my all the time. With Dody, I feel pretty loved and I enjoy his care and attention.

But after all that, as much as I promised not to judge... I still dont understand how a man can have the heart to bring another woman into the same bed where he and his wife makes love.

Dody says he loves me. But I'm already thinking of how I to get myself out of this. After Popeye, I've learnt my lesson. No love. Nooooo wayyy. Not again. L-O-V-E is just another word I'll never learn to pronounce.

On the downside, I havent been able to get much whoring done with Dody around. Wait. I've only done the Geologist guy and Popeye... yeah, I think that was it.

If I ever have to get rated, I'ld probably be one of the poorly rated whores who fails terribly when it comes to emotions. To date, I've revealed my identity to 2 men - Popeye and Dody. *sighs*

Anw, end of the month is looming. Time for the 'Fifth Wave'... new pictures, new name... still wondering if I should get a new number cos I might lose my regulars. *would have met up with another regular this morning if not for Aunt Mary who is in town :P Then again, I'm pretty relieved when 'she' visits*

Reminder to self: Meeting a 30-something italiano this week.... looking forward to that.

Verdict: Time to move on from Dody. I will miss him but I'll survive.
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Don't Let It Go To Your Head

7.41am
My mind is in fragments. I just woke up but I havent been able to shake off that heaviness in my heart. Feeling like an emo-wreck. Here's what happened the past few days...

- Hooked up with another Swiss Choc... this ones from Geneva.
- Did I mention he's a geologist! Cool, huh?
- Nice guy. Confessed he's married to a french woman and has a 5y.o daughter. Said his wife hadnt made love to him eversince they had their daughter. Oh man...
- He cummed to a mere blowjob. $150 for a 10 min job. Not too shabby I guess.
- Went to Dody's restaurant after that for supper. I now, officially have a special table.
- I'm the woman at table 60.
- Dody's wife was at the restaurant too. Bummer.
- Dody joined me at the table after she left.
- I told Dody I might be getting too comfortable with him. Crossing the lines of 'business'.
- Shrek said to not get emotional and to enjoy this while it last.
- Feel myself falling into the same emo-pattern that I did with Popeye.
- Left in a cab around midnight. Refused Dody's cab money. (Damn, $30 gone)
- Received a txt msg at midnight that says "I'm back!!!". It was from Popeye.
- Had my first anal last night + crazy sex, courtesy of Popeye
- Popeye said he just signed on with a German company (Carpenter's song playing in the background)
- This might be his last visit in S'pore in a long time.
- I cried alone in the room after Popeye left.
- I'm an emo-wreck.

"They're not paying for sex because they want a relationship, silly. There will be others. There always are."
- Belle's A-Z of London Sex Work :: Belle De Jour :: pg 92
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(Not so) Rocksteady

Its the 'nobody-loves-me' time of the month again. I'm down with the blues and I can just feel that this emotional roller coaster is not healthy. Is it PMS. Again? So soon?

I'm suspecting it could be mild depression or something. Last time I felt this way, I walked into a wall, leaving a scar to prove it. And just now, I sorta spaced out while on the escalator down at the train station without realizing that my flair-pants had gotten stuck inbetween the steps. When I reached the bottom of the escalator and walked away, I felt the pull at my pants and saw what had happened.

One thing I realized whenever I'm caught in these situations is that - firstly, I don't panic or get alarmed. So I tugged at my pants, trying to 'unhook' it from the escalator steps, with a blank expression. Ok, perhaps I just looked rather pissed.

Second thing I noticed - is that blank expression.

And thirdly, this is the one that got me thinking - I never, ever, cry out for help.

As I continued to pull hard at the bottom of my pants that was stuck, I also had to stand against the current of people who were coming down the escalator. Yet, not the littlest voice came out from me. I realised that I had almost gathered a pool of onlookers behind me. The kind who don't know whether they should go help, or go get help for me.

I was just worried that my entire pants could get ripped out. Thankfully, my cotton pants almost quickly gave way and tore at its end, releasing it from the escalator steps. As I turned to walk away, the few stand-byers anticipated for some sorta response, but I simply walked away, like nothing happened.

As I tapped myself out of the train station, spotting a grungily tattered pair of pants, my mom's voice ringed in my head.

"Why didn't you cry out for help?", as she listened to me rattle about my walk-into-wall incident.

That's when I too questioned myself... Have I forgotten how to ask for help?

Perhaps, I don't know how to ask for help, not used to asking for help because all this while I've always had to be the strong, independent one. I needed to be the rock solid one who can handle everything.

Right now I'm feeling like I need help. I just don't have anyone to ask...

xoxo
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Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart

Had a Lambert-full Friday. What can I say, the guy is perfect in his own imperfect ways.

Feeling really tired right now but can't sleep before I get this out *think- Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart*...

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times that we had
Tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart
Well, you could try sleeping in my bed
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you


'Popeye' and I ended it just nw at abt 2am. It was blatant and painful but I blame it upon myself for getting emotionally involved. "Falling in love... relationships... are things that happen to other people"...

Why do I keep forgetting that?

*Ouchhh*
*Err.. not helping much*
*Ok enough damage done. Point noted*
xoxo.
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