Showing posts with label Labour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Labour. Show all posts

New Balls


He's at it again! It really is time that the Milipede put the muzzle on his Rotweiller, especially if he is going to sink as low as this...

Yesterday, Balls decided that the best way to attack the Chancellor ahead of next week's budget was to play the Japan card. This what he said :

quotation markIt won't be good enough if George Osborne stands up next week in the Budget and says the reason he has to downgrade his growth forecast is the cold winter, or the Irish bailout or because of the spike in world oil prices or the aftermath of the Japanese earthquake.quotation mark
Frankly Ed, this is bad taste even for you.

Balls has a reputation for putting his foot in his mouth pretty much every time he opens it. His comments have been called 'insensitive' and 'insulting to the Japanese people'. It's hard to disagree.

Tory MP Aidan Burley summed it up nicely : "It seems very distasteful to be pre-empting a comment George has not made and almost certainly won't make. It must be a new low for a shadow Chancellor to think the Chancellor would blame an 8.8 earthquake in Japan as in some way responsible for a decade of Labour mismanagement of the economy."

Labour of course said they had made a fair point about not been distracted by external events and that Balls had said 'nothing wrong'. The Milipede has kept a low profile on the matter. Frankly appointing this man as his Shadow Chancellor hardly shows good judgement...
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New Balls!


"iTalk" has been at it again - a full blown attack on George Osbourne in the Daily Mirror. Let's look at what he had to say :

quotation markWhat matters most when times are hard is whether the government is trying to shield you from the storm, or leaving you to fend for yourself.

When Osborne or his Lib Dem lackeys say: “It’s all Labour’s fault, we inherited a mess” .... what they’re really saying to the British people is: “We’re not ­responsible: don’t ask us for help.”
quotation mark
Well, that's all very well, Binky, and it makes a nice soundbite. Where was your government when the shit was hitting the fan? Oh, out spending money we hadn't got because you emptied the coffers. You created this mess. You were responsible or we would not have the scale of problems we have, so to accuse the coalition of not trying to sort it shows a distinct lack of grip on reality.

And "LibDem lackeys"? That's just downright insulting. Name calling is the last resort of an immature mind.

quotation markThe Tories say that because Labour was not tough enough in regulating the banks, the economic crisis is our fault.

They forget that every time the Labour government tried to tighten regulation, it was the Tories who protested we were strangling enterprise with red tape, and David Cameron who accused Gordon Brown of being The Great Regulator.
quotation mark
There goes that grip on reality again. Labour destroyed regulation of the banks. Balls himself was the very man calling for a 'light touch' in dealing with financial regulation. The regulation Labour tried to tighten was on small and medium size business who were destroyed by a sea of red tape. It was this red tape that Cameron was referring to, not the banks. Labour let the banks get away with murder. In fact, the first thing Tony Blair did when he left office was to join the board of a merchant bank.

quotation markThe Tories want you to believe Labour spent too much money on services like schools, hospitals and the police, and that is why we have today’s budget deficit.
That way they can justify drastic cuts in those services in order to bring down the deficit, and say it is all Labour’s fault.
quotation mark
If you define 'too much' as money we don't actually have, then that's exactly what Labour did. Cutting spending and raising taxes is the only way to reduce a structural deficit.

Cameron has been forced to match some of Labour's spending plans in some areas because this is a COALITION, Ed. The LibDem 'lackeys' do actually have some say and are actually more left wing than the Conservatives. It's called prioritisation and compromise, something you seem to know little about.

quotation markWhen the financial crisis hit, we were badly affected by the loss of tax revenues from the City, and we had to inject huge sums of money to protect people’s mortgages and savings and stop the British banking system from collapsing.

On top of that, we cut VAT for a year, introduced the car scrappage scheme, funded apprenticeships and job ­creation schemes, and subsidised mortgages – all to stop people losing their jobs, homes and businesses.

That is what caused the deficit, not spending on schools, hospitals and the police.
quotation mark
You didn't regulate the banks properly, then you had to bail them out. The money you threw at the economy was to buy votes. Spending actually did make the deficit worse. That's not even economics - it's called basic housekeeping.

quotation markEvery time they take an unpopular decision, the Tories say the same thing: it’s not our fault, we inherited a mess.

In reality, they inherited an economy which was beginning to recover strongly, with unemployment falling, interest rates at historic lows, and the public finances better than the Treasury’s forecasts
quotation mark
Actually, the Coalition say that we need to sort it out. The economy was recovering, but not strongly and interest rates at historic lows has crippled the very people who have the disposable income to boost the economy - people living on their investments. It has also helped inflation to rise. It appears we learnt nothing from the Japanese experience of punitively low interest rates.

And just because the public finances outperform the Treasury forecasts doesn't necessarily mean that they are performing well, does it?

quotation markThe Labour Party has a responsibility to stand up for millions of Mirror readers across the country who are already being hit by rising unemployment, rising inflation and the rise in VAT.quotation mark
Bank lending has strangled investment and caused job losses. That includes the banks you bought and then failed to control. Low interest rates and taxes introduced by you have cause infation to rise, coupled with the false readings in the figures when VAT went back to 17.5% - and let's not forget that you were intending to raise it to 19%. Oh, and then there's those fuel tax rises you introduced. They had no effect on inflation, did they?

You can read his full article by clicking here, but in the words of the song "You say it best when you say nothing at all"...
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Absolute Balls


Frankly, it beggars belief that the Mighty Milipede should appoint as Shadow Chancellor the very man who, under Gordon Brown at the Treasury, played such a major part in the economic woes currently bestting this country.

Ed Balls is a disaster waiting to happen. But does this matter to the Milipede? No, not at all it seems. The Labour Party is already hailing this appointment as a return to the combatative politics they long for after being crushed at the last election.

The fact is that the Milipede has no policies - at least none he is prepared to admit to. So far - and I may be proved wrong - his strategy seems to be to take the party back to the bad old days before 'New' Labour. This is, of course, what his masters at the TUC want from him - a return to power for a Union movement which has been losing control ever since the days of Thatcher and the miners' strike.

So where does Balls fit in?

Balls is a bruiser in some ways reminiscent of John Prescott but with a little more grooming. He's quite happy to get stuck in and likely relishes the idea of having a go at George Osbourne. The problem is he lacks depth when it comes to economic policy - amply proved by his contribution in the last government - and he's not a particularly eloquent speaker.

If he was an Apple product, he would likely be known as 'iTalk' Balls.

And the Milipede needs to remember one thing about Balls - Rotweillers have been known to bite their masters as well...
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Red Ed can't make his mind up


Last Saturday, Ed Miliband made a major speech to the Fabian Society which warrants close scrutiny not least of all for what it tells us about the man himself.

It seems that the trouble with the Mighty Milipede could be that he simply can't make his mind up...

Having accused the Conservatives of making no effort in the Oldham East by-election on order to favour the LibDems, he went on in his speech to say that "David Cameron became the first Prime Minister in recent years to campaign in a by-election." Sounds a little contradictory to me, Ed...

Then he went on to call for Labour to show "a willingness to reach out to others beyond our party at the heart of the way we do our politics" having just slagged off the Conservatives and LibDems as a "coalition based on political convenience rather than values." Seems to me like you calling on your own party to do exactly what you are condemning.

And then there is his comment that Labour's "managerialism took us away from the instincts and values of the broad progressive majority" whilst at the same time attacking the coalition government for decentralising decision making.

"Of course I am proud of the achievements of our last Labour government" he goes on to say, but then again admits they were guilty of "failing to properly regulate the banks, ignoring concerns about economic security".

Mr Miliband says of the country's woes "it was the crisis that caused high levels of public borrowing" but then goes on to say "our economy was too vulnerable to the crisis because we were too reliant on financial services", the very financial services that Gordon Brown as Chancellor and later as Prime Minister derugulated!

But for me the best statement in his speech was when he said : "when we you see some of our leading bankers constantly threatening to leave the country, trying to hold the country to ransom and thinking only of themselves, it makes me angry."

Well I'm sorry Ed, but when I see rampant left wing socialists manipulating the trades union movement in order to try to bring down a democratically elected government and, what's more, to use your words "trying to hold the country to ransom and thinking only of themselves", then it makes me absolutely bloody furious!

And the word 'hypocrite' springs readily to mind...
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The Snot Gobblers Guide to the Galaxy

This is a first for this blog. I couldn't have put this better myself, so I'm not going to try

What follows is an excellent review of Gordon Brown's new book by Supertzar.

When you read Tony Blair's response to the coalition's plans, when you consider the ideas Frank Field had to transform welfare in Britain, when you look at the spectacular growth in ultimately ineffective tick-box City compliance, when you consider the £6bn the UK Exchequer lost from selling the country's gold reserves or the decimation of private sector pensions, when you consider which country alone had a run on its banks or look at the level of indebtedness and structural defecit in the UK, you begin to notice a thread.

It's quite clear that the country has paid a high price for the grandiose delusions of Gordon Brown. Whether delaying welfare reform, jacking up taxes with precious little to show for it, reducing the UK's competitiveness, increasing spending in huge (Labour voting) swathes of the country to Soviet levels or crushing incentives to create the wealth we need to both close the defecit and pay down the £1 in every £4 spent that we currently borrow, this deranged, abusive, out-of-control lunatic has his hands all over the crime scene.

Having failed the first test of democracy he has faced outside of his constituency, one might expect Gordon Brown to have spent his time reflecting on his 'contribution' to the UK. Or perhaps make amends by devoting his time to serving his constituents. Not a bit of it. At the date of publication, the poor deluded folk of Kircaldy and Cowdenbeath have been represented in parliament for a mere handful of the 200 odd days for which their MP has been paid. Instead, Gordon Brown has devoted his time to knocking off this 300-page exercise in personal exculpation.

As he notes in his introduction, Brown is neither a financial expert nor an economist. Which might explain, but does not excuse, his lamentable diagnosis of the causes of the financial meltdown he fomented. It was all bankers paying themselves too much apparently. If only they'd paid themselves 10% less, all would have been fine. What about if public sector payrises had been pegged to inflation or a certain Chancellor hadn't raided - and thus destroyed - private sector pensions or what if the banking regulation system that had worked for hundreds of years had been left in place or what if the asset bubble had received some attention by, say, increasing the banks' capital adequacy ratios?

You can take your pick of brilliant hindsight-derived ideas, Gordon, but ultimately, you were in charge and your delusions about abolishing boom and bust meant you spent so much of our money, we now have to borrow just to pay off the interest. Your diagnosis is utter delusion from start to finish.

Nurse, the screens please...
READ MORE » The Snot Gobblers Guide to the Galaxy

I'm back - and so's Gordon!

Well, I'm back. Totally shagged out after two 11 hour flights, so you'll hopefully forgive me if I am a little lethargic in picking up the reigns again...

Meanwhile, here's a little I-Spy that I spotted out of the window at LA airport :


My God, I thought Blair had some money making ideas, but getting your face painted on the tail fin of every jet in the Air Alaska fleet? No wonder they got rid of Sarah Palin!

(Note for Ian Hislop : You can have this one for the I-Spy section in the Eye, but rest assured I will deal with you later. Watch this space...)
READ MORE » I'm back - and so's Gordon!

Lying Eyes (The Miliband mix)

This one was, frankly, too obvious to miss so I just had to do it!

Here's a version of the Eagles' classic "Lyin' Eyes" suitably adapted to take account of Red Ed's piercing stare...



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Get ready for the winter of discontent

Apparently, Ed Miliband thinks it is OK for his party to support strikes to defend against the forthcoming budget cuts and privatisations.

Well that's fine, Ed. Except that it's easy to talk bollocks when you're in opposition.

Let's look at the one inalienable fact that no-one seems to be able to understand in your new Old Labour party : It is cheaper to outsource services than it is for local councils to do it themselves. Otherwise, they would not be doing it.

On the face of it, this is patent nonsense. How can it be cheaper to employ companies who build in profit margins? Surely, if the council uses it's own resources on a non profit making basis then it must be cheaper? But it isn't...

So why is this? Well, the simple fact is that council services are very inefficient because they are tied down by the restrictive practices that your marvellous Trade Union movement has saddled on local government.

So when you are standing out on the picket line protesting, remember - you brought it on yourselves...
READ MORE » Get ready for the winter of discontent

Bastard!

Whatever happened to the good old days when this word meant something completely different ?

bastard [ˈbɑːstəd ˈbæs-], noun
"a person born of unmarried parents; an illegitimate baby, child, or adult"

Straightforward stuff. Some bloke knocked up an unmarried woman. Legal consequences followed. The overseers for the poor of the parish hunted down the father and made him support the child. Often this involved putting considerable 'pressure' on the woman to reveal who he was. Stigma was attached to the dastardly deed.

Some of us might even be old enough to remember when women were bundled off by their parents to live with relatives far away while they had their bastard baby. After the birth it was unceremoniously adopted so the mother could return home with her reputation unblemished.

Now I'm not advocating that we should return to these draconian times, but I do think we should regard unwanted pregnancies in unmarried women as just a little more than a minor inconvenience.

OK, so it has become socially acceptable to not bother with even civil marriage. However, when you bring a child into the world it carries certain obligations. If you are working on the basis that marriage is not for you because you regard your relationship as transitory, then why are you having children?

Our new Labour (no pun intended!) party leader claims to escew family values and wants to support the family through the welfare system, and yet he has one bastard child already and is in the process of producing another.

Children are being born today with no hope of ever tracing their roots because either the mother doesn't know who the father is or because the father - as in Miliband's case - is so disinterested he doesn't even bother to get his name on the birth certificate.

If this is you, then you are a selfish bastard - in the other sense of the word...
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Thomas and the Shadow Cabinet

See the Fat Controller, Red Ed Miliband, select his team from the engines at Tidworth Sheds.

It's nearly as ridiculous as the real thing...

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Red Miliband - the new single !

As promissed yesterday, here is the exciting new single from Red Miliband's solo album :




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Red Ed to release solo album !

News just out that "Red Ed" Miliband has split from Los Milibandos and is to release a solo album...


 Comprising cover versions of well known songs, here's the track list with original artists in brackets :
  1. The Carnival is Over (Seekers)
  2. Leader of The Gang (Gary Glitter)
  3. Dance With The Devil (Cozy Powell)
  4. He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (Hollies)
  5. We're All Crazy Now (Slade)
  6. He's Gonna Step On You Again (John Kongas)
  7. Brothers in Arms (Dire Straits)
  8. Gonna Get Along Without You (Viola Wills)
  9. The Harder I Try (Brother Beyond)
  10. Tired of Toeing the Line (Rocky Burnette)
  11. I Scare Myself (Thomas Dolby)
  12. Road to Hell (Chris Rea)
  13. Wishful Thinking (China Crisis)
  14. Dreams Are 10 a Penny (Kincade)
  15. Shattered Dreams (Johnny Hates Jazz)
TOMORROW : Exclusive video of the single from the album. Watch this space!

P.S. - A note for Ian fucking Hislop :
Feel free to steal this post for the Eye, but this time at least give me a byline - which is more than you did last time.
READ MORE » Red Ed to release solo album !

Red Ed - it's official !

By satellite phone from the caves of Afghanistan, official endorsement of Miliband as the new anti-capitalist leader of the Labour party...



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A little late night mischief

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Bananaman Bites the Dust [2]

Sorry, but it's was just too much to resist. The rustling sound at the end could be Freddie turning in his grave...



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Bananaman bites the dust!


Could this be the end for our intrepid superhero?

Will he ever triumph over the evil talking horse Mr Ed?

Do we give a flying fuck? 
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Ed Miliband wins it!

 Today's lesson is taken from the book of Genesis, Labour Party edition...


  1. In the time of the gathering, Ed presented himself to the conference as an offering to the Party. And David also presented himself.
  2. The Party had regard for Ed's offering, but they did not have regard for David's offering. David was furious, and he was downcast and his face fell.
  3. Then the Party sayeth unto David , "Why art you furious? And why art you downcast? Why hast thy face fallen?
  4. If you do right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must master it." 
  5. And David said unto his brother Ed "Let's go out back unto mine gaff for a beer."
  6. And while they were there, David attacked his brother Ed and killed him.
  7. Then the Party said to David , "Where is your brother Ed?"
  8. "I know not," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?"
  9. Then the Party said, "Why have you done this thing?"
  10. And David answered, "My loss was too great to bear never to sit again in shadow cabinet for my brother forgives me not for challenging him."
 Here endeth the lesson....
READ MORE » Ed Miliband wins it!

The Leadership Song

Due to the announcement tomorrow of the name of the poor sod picking up the poisoned chalice of the Labour Leadership, I have interupted my flow of postcards to celebrate with the inevitable song.



Somehow you just knew I would, didn't you?...
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Bye Bye New Labour

The New Labour nightmare is over at last, so why not commemorate the occasion with a reworking of a Bob Dylan classic?


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Apeshit!


I'm off on holiday shortly (Yes! Again...), and have just recieved my tickets - along with a letter telling me about the latest invasion of our privacy and civil liberties.

APIS or Advaced Passenger Information System is yet another legacy from the bullshit Brown governmant foisted upon us because, of course, the Yanks have it so it must be essential for us!!

"Your airline is legally obliged to collect passenger information from all customers (including infants) who are travelling to, and in some cases from, those countries involved in your itinerary that require information, for electronic transmission to the relevant country's Customs and Immigration authorities prior to departure."

So I get a snotty letter from the tour operator telling me to go to a website and fill all this shit in. Apparently, this information will be "kept for no more than 10 years by the British Government." So now they are keeping a check on my movements in and out of the UK. I am, I might add, travelling to an EU country which, in theory, means that I don't need to use my passport (ha! ha!) so this new database gets around that one.

And if that's not bad enough, I am visitting the US for a couple of hours later in the year, so of course now I need to fill in their version - ESTA (Electronic System for Travel Authorization). Even though I am eligible for visa waiver, I have to pay $15 to register that I am coming! I woudn't mind, but I am only changing terminals and flying straight out again.

Still, all this bullshit keeps the bureaucrats in a job and keeps track of all the plebs. Orwell would have loved it.

I'm getting a T-shirt printed : "I'm going APeshIt with ESTA" and on the back "Am I API? No - I ain't" which should impress immigration no end...
READ MORE » Apeshit!