Brushed a Nerve

6.25 am.

My eyes are all red and swollen. Still sobbing as I write these words.

Just finished watching Episode 5 (Season 2) of the 'Secret Diary of the Call Girl'. In this episode, Belle/ Hannah's boyfriend finds out the ugly truth. I could just feel the devastation, of both Hannah and Alex. How finally, at long last, there is a man who's head over heels in love with you but then you have this big ugly secret. And for Alex, how he finally meets this amazing woman and he wants to share his life with her, just to walk in on her, with another man in bed.

I was suddenly struck by the thought that all these too could happen to me. Not that I think any man will ever fall in love with me (but then again you just dont know. Fate just has a funny sense of humour, at the wrong time). Alex's words of rage brushed a nerve in me and activated the flood gates.

He said he was disgusted... a disgrace... something like 'how would you feel if your girlfriend was fucking another man, and then fucks you'... Alex's pain, I could somehow understand.

As Alex stopped by Hannah's apartment later that night to return her things, he just threw her stuff on the floor. I totally felt for Hannah... how crushed she must have been. She didnt even mean to fall in love with him... and the moment she took a chance and tried to let herself fall for him, he slammed it back in her face. This scene - very familiar. You dont have to be a whore to relate to this.

That's why I'm never gonna fall in love again.

Then again, what is love?

"Falling in love... relationships... are things that happen to other people." (Episode 5, Season 2 :: Secret Diary of a Call Girl)

At the end of this episode, is this beautiful song by Adele, that just says it all... Hometown Glory



xoxo