Just finished watching Drop Dead Diva online cos I know I'll miss the first episode when it premieres on Channel 5 this Thursday as I'll have the Patrizio Buanne concert to attend.
This evening I was awaken by a sad dream I had from my evening nap. It was of Marcus. I dreamt that I was watching this short-haired brunette sing 'Leave Right Now' (Will Young). It was like in bar and I was sitting right in front when suddenly Marcus came out of nowhere, hugged her from behind and kissed her, like he meant to rub it in my face.
I immediately woke up but with a heaviness in my heart like I could just burst out crying. Since I re-hooked up with Marucs last Saturday, I've been talking myself out of feeling that sense of attachment to him, like I'm expecting something more. But you know thats not possible, even though Marcus is not a paying customer. He's the guy I keep around for my own pleasure and kinky office sex on the boardroom table.
And of course he's English. A rather snooty one at times. He doesn't believe in drinking tea out of a styrofoam cup - tea should be served in china. Bah... But that why I like him. He's got class. I like him also cos he's a little shy, not too brash or loud, Marcus speaks in a gentle tone, exactly how a gentlemen should speak to a lady. (Lemme digress a sec: I really can't stand those ROC women who talks so loudly in public with their irritating accent and high-pitch voices. Feel like slapping them and saying - You're a lady for goodness sakes. Don't talk so loudly like you want the whole of China to hear you! Anw, back to the topic). He insists on staying mysterious; which means I dont even know his last name. When I asked him whether he's married or seeing someone... he doesn't want to say. As much as I'm curious about him, staying mysterious is probably the best deal for him cos I know deep inside, thats is why I'm still attracted to him.
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| This scene is sooo 'Marcus' and I |
Its so typically me. I like it mysterious. It makes it so much more exciting. Don't lemme get you all figured out cos then I'll lose interest. So last Saturday was the longest I've ever stayed in his office. More than an hour I think. He let me sit with him while he works when I promise to be really quiet and read my magazines. Its nice watching him work.
I remember the previous time that I met him, which was about a month or more, Marcus had a little cough. It was the first time that I saw the vulnerable, 'human' side of him and I immediately thought - Oh my baby isnt feeling well - and felt like I have to hug him some more. Ok I know, I'm getting soft.
Anw... yeah. When I was watching Drop Dead Diva, other than being able to relate to being a plus-size, the scene where Jane couldn't tell Grayson abt her feelings, really touched me. Of course in my situation its different altogether cos I'm a whore and I'm not supposed to have feelings.
But what happens when you start to feel but you can't tell that other person. Guess you don't have to be a whore to be in that scenario.
On another note, Dody does not sms me on Mondays now cos his wife is now home on Mondays. Heh, yeah... I stil havent broken up with him.
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