The Dear Gill letters (5)

Britain's first lady seems unhappy...





I just can't tell what it's been like the last week or two - it's been so absolutely frightful. Everybody is up in arms about the changes that we are talking about making to disability payments. Dave is so upset. Anyone would think that we don't have any feelings about this at all - I mean after all we went through with our lovely Ivan, how could they be so heartless? Politics really does suck sometimes!

And if that's not bad enough, we're being forced to give votes to criminals. I mean, I ask you! What's the point of that? Dave's really not impressed. Sometimes the law really is an ass - and don't get me started on European law - I mean who runs this country anyway? Is it Dave or that awful von Pompy person? Or maybe it's old Merky? Or maybe it's just nobody any more. I just don't know what's what these days. That bloody Heath has done more damage with the stroke of a pen than Hitler ever did with all his bombs and stuff...

And the Milipedes are at it again! First they say that we are going to quickly and forcing things through without thinking enough, now they say we are backtracking and going too slowly. Dave's seething between you and me. I mean, it's not as if Red Ed's even got any policies of his own - he just rubbishes ours all the time! It's back to good old schoolyard games - yah! boo! my party's better than your party! It's pathetic. Still, Dave says he's so easy to put down with a one liner that he's beginning to enjoy it. "A chancellor who can't count and a leader who doesn't count." Classic. I came up with that one myself over a midnight feed!

Fancy old Chaytor getting sent off to chokey eh? Lock 'em all up and throw away the key I say. It's so pathetic really - like fiddling the petty cash. And Illsey faking his council tax - I mean that's not even ambitious fraud really is it?

And, of course, we had that silly by-election. Dave's got to face that dreadful Miliband person again and wave it all away like it doesn't matter - not that it does really as far as I can see, but then there's that dreaded male ego thing again, isn't there. They just can't bear to lose. It's so infantile, isn't it? I reckon our kids are more mature than some of our MPs.

And to top it all off we were up half the night waiting for the result. Well, Dave was anyway. I told him straight. I said "You know you won't win, so you might as well go to bed." Well at least I didn't have to get to see to Florrie - so I suppose men are useful for something...

And VAT? Well, the only VAT I'm interested in is a Vodka and Tonic so let's do lunch soon and we can spend some of the fees you've been making defending Chaytor and the rest of them. Bet Cherie wishes she'd got in on that one! Toodle pip,


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