Kejar ptp

This is the end

Se entretanto fizer alguma coisa diferente eu anuncio aqui. Existe sempre a possibilidade de voltar, o que é extremamente improvável. Continuo por aí a visitar blogs, mas provavelmente vou diminuir a frequência de comentários.

Obrigado a todos.

Papal Visit souvenirs [3]

As promissed, here are some more items from our Dioclese.co.uk papal visit souvenir range. Today we concentrate on our range of special sex aids :

Prove to the bad boys that you're a good girl with these I Love the Pope knickers! When it gets right down to it, you know that sex before marriage is a big no no for us catholics and he's going to think twice before trying to rip these off of you!

Protect your virginity for just £22.99

And if the previous item just didn't do it for you, then better safe than sorry with these Benedict Condoms.

Available in five fruity flavours, there's a reminder from his Holiness on each packet that this really isn't what you should be doing. But then we all give in to a little temptation now and again...

Packet of 5 just £12.99

And if you're feeling tired and worn out after all that illicit sex you shouldn't be having, what could be better than a nice cold beer?

Brewed especially to help you celebrate the papal vist, why not relax with a pint or two of Pope's Special Ale.

Available for a limited period on draught at selected churches or order a six pack from us for only £11.99 - Hmmmm. that's nice...

Let's face it, there's nothing worse than the lingering smell of sweat and beer.

So if you don't want your parents or even your kids or partner to know what you've been up to, just fire up these delightful hand moulded incense scented Pope Benedict Candles...

Cover up all your sins for only £19.99

There's nothing better after a shag than a fag and the Flashing Pope Cigarette Dispenser is guaranteed to satisfy.

Just pull down on the staff and the cassock spreads and lifts to reveal a nicotine erection down below - if you get my drift...

And that's not all! Flip back the head to reveal a cigarette lighter.

Raise your spirits for just £39.99

(PS. Here's a little competition for you : Which of these past three days' items are real and which are not? See how many you can get right! Answers on Friday.)

Papal Visit souvenirs [2]

Following on the recent launch of our Dioclese.co.uk special papal souvenirs, here's some more items from our Pope Benedict 'Kiss the Ring Tour' range :

Feeling unclean? Then try our Benedict brand Pope on a Roap soap!

Guaranteed to reach the parts that other soaps cannot reach, this papal soap will cleanse you of all your sins and leave you feeling totally pure.

Please note this product is not suitable for use on the genital areas of young children

Yours for the trifling sum of £14.99

Get the most out of Pope Benedict's UK tour with our new publication 'Papal Visits for Dummies'.

This updated book gives you the invaluable insights you need. Learn how to get the best seats at personal appearences; how to ensure that your name is included in the papal blessing; how to obtain direct absolution for all your sins.

These and many, many more for only £49.99

Get the power of the Pope in your pocket with your very own Pope Benedict talking key ring.

Made from high quality genuine polyurethane, you can always rely on this Pope to absolve you from the rigours of everyday sinning. Just give him a little squeeze and hear the Pope announce 'In Nomine Patre, Te Absolvo!

A bargain at £15.99 - batteries not required (runs on faith)

Here a little novelty item sure to please!
You've seen those pens where you turn the it upside down and the girl's clothes fall off? Well, here's a chance to own your very own 'Naked Pope Pen'. Just turn it upside down, and watch that cassock fall away.

Breaks the ice at any party for only £9.99

Still trying for that perfect cocktail? Well, the answer is in the timing!

Just throw your intoxicating mixture into our '3 Hail Marys Cocktail Shaker' and shake away. The speaker in the bottom recites 3 Hail Marys at the perfect pace to ensure your cocktail pours out just the right moment.

A perfect drink and absolution all at the same time for just £39.99

Just watch this space for more items from our exciting range coming soon...

Papal Visit souvenirs

To mark the visit of his Holiness Pope Benedict XVI to our shores in September, Dioclese.co.uk has launched a range of tasteful commerative merchandise.

Here's just a few items from our carefully chosen range :

Our limited edition Pope Money Box. Made from 100% authentic organic plastic, this very special box comes complete with two slots for your money so you can save one for yourself and another to give to God on Sunday!

Our price just £29.95

Made especially for us by our friends at Fanasonic, the Benedict-a-phone takes your messages while you are out and has the added benefit of giving all your callers a papal blessing personal recorded by the Pontif himself.

All this for a giveaway price of only £249.99!

Keep your sacred memories safe with this Pope Benedict USB memory stick.

Guaranteed to impress all your geeky mates, this state of the art devices stores an almost limitless number of prayers and blessings for a truly miraculous price of only £1.99

Worried about your soufflés going flat? Burnt the Sunday dinner? No rise in your yorkshire puddings? Never worry about these things again thanks to our Pope Benedict chef's apron.

Made from highest quality PVC and decorated with a tasteful portrait of his Holiness, your cooking worries will be a thing of the past. With the representative of God on Earth looking on, your cooking will become truly blessed!

Great meals guaranteed for only £75.99!

Looking to impress your guests at that all important dinner party? Here's your chance with our special reserve 'Pope's Winery' wine!

And here's the clever bit : You don't have to make a choice between white and red, because this very special vintage comes as clear water with detailed instructions for turning it into the wine of your choice as you pour.

Miraculous, or what!? And even more when you find it's only £499.99 a bottle.

(Each bottle comes with a certificate of authenticity signed by Pope Benedict himself)

Blair - The ultimate hypocrisy

I shamelessly nicked this diagram from a 2009 article in the guardian which you can read by clicking this link

In the ultimate irony, as the fat hypocrit, Lord Prescott, warns that the Labour Party is going bust, the same cannot be said of it's ex leader Blair. Believe it or not, the bugger is actually opening his own BANK.

The Financial Services Authority (FSA) has last week registered Blair's new Mayfair-based investment bank, Firerush, which could act as dealmaker in investments for the super-rich. It will contribute to his considerable fortune, which is already reported to be in excess of £20 million. Coincidentally, that's the same amount Prescott says that Labour owes. Spooky, or what?

20 bloody million... and after all the scheming hypocritical sod said about bankers and rich people avoiding tax through complex tax avoidance schemes. Pass the bloody bottle... and a large glass!

Now I'm not for a minute suggesting that Blair is doing anything illegal, but my God his moral compass is pointing in a very odd direction indeed.

Still, now he's a Catholic, I expect he'll be meeting the Pope next month - and he'll give him absolution...

The Living Wage

In a pathetic and feeble attempt to make headway in the Labour leadership race, nothing can be more calous, calculated and desperate than the recent attempt to jump on the bandwagon by Labour's own talking horse "Mr Ed" Miliband.

Blatently trying to drum up anti-Tory left-wing votes, Mr Ed has decided to send out a letter pledging his support for the 'Living Wage' campaign.

So, when you are living on the breadline, here's just a few suggestions as to how you can make your wage packet into something that enables you to make ends meet :

Don't go down the pub every night
Give up smoking
Make eating in the new eating out and learn to cook!
Dump your mobile phone contract and get a PAYG phone for incoming calls
Cancel your Sky telly subscription
Stop buying iTunes for your iPod
Buy non-designer label trainers
Cut up all your credit cards
Cancel that foreign holiday
You don't have to have the latest gadget
Don't run a car
Get some skills training and a better job

Drinking, smoking, telly, mobiles, iPods, designer trainers, holidays in the sun and motors are NOT - despite what Mr Ed would have you believe - part of your inalienable human rights. What should come top of your priority list is putting food on the table, clothes on your back and keeping a roof over your head.

And if you carry on as you are doing, then some nice eastern european person will come and take your job off you because they seem to manage quite nicely on less than you get paid. Sadly, people in this country have no idea what real poverty actually is.

You already have a 'living wage' but many of you are just too self centred and greedy to manage it properly...

Is this why they call it 'deflower'?

I 've been kinda curious about female squirting and trying to learn how I can squirt cos at the moment I just cant do it. So as usual, watching my daily dose of porn when I saw this chinese girl masturbating and digging her pussy and was amamzed by the female anatomy. (see below)

That's when I thought, maybe THAT's why they call it the act of deflowering or defloration cos that inner part of the vagina really looks like a flower...?

Anyway, back to squirting...

Female Ejaculation - What is it

Female ejaculation, or squirting, is the expulsion of ejaculatory fluid from the vaginal area of a female as a result of sexual stimulation. The exact source of the fluid is up for debate, although researchers think the ejaculate comes from the region of the skene’s gland. Even though some will argue otherwise, there is really no question as to whether or not a woman can actually ejaculate fluids from her vagina. Although there is much mystery surrounding female ejaculation, as a phenomenon, it is real and legitimate and medically noted. Most women are actually able to expel at least some vaginal fluid whether or not they know it. Most women discover their ability to squirt accidentally during sexual stimulation.

Female Ejaculation - How to accomplish it

Most people agree that the easiest and most effective way to achieve female ejaculation is through stimulation of the G-Spot. The G-Spot (also known as the urethral sponge) is an area inside the vagina near the front and is stimulated with either pressure, rubbing, or vibration. Many people also find success in vaginal squirting by accompanying G-Spot stimulation with clitoral stimulation. A smaller number of people are able to ejaculate through clitoral stimulation alone. Whichever way works for you, I personally have found that I need to “push” in my vaginal area while I am stimulating my G-Spot vigorously. A girl friend of mine has told me that all she has to do is find the exact right spot on her vaginal wall to stimulate along with her clit and she is set to squirt within a few minutes.

http://femejaculation.com/about/

Is squirt female ejaculation or is it pee?

It most deffinately IS NOT PEE. You actually can not pee while you are ejaculating. When men cum, their muscles shut off the valve that would allow urine to come out, thus preventing you from peeing while ejaculating. The same thing happens to women. In fact, after a woman ejaculates, she may have a hard time peeing afterwards until her muscles relax and release that valve again.

It's widely believed that there is a female counterpart to the male prostate technically known as “Skene’s” glands. Just as the male prostate, the ducts from these glands empty into the urethral canal. The liquid produced by the Skene’s glands is not urine, but a thin clear fluid containing glucose and prostatic acid. This chemical makeup is much more similar to semen (without sperm), than it is to urine.

The fluid is either clear or milky, has no scent (unlike urine) and has a slightly sweet taste.

An excellant source of information is the pdf Guide To G-Spot Orgasms & Female Ejaculation from greatlovers.com.

And female ejaculation and orgasm do not go hand in hand. It is very possible for a woman to squirt without cumming.

Also, did you know there are three areas that can give a woman an orgasm? 1) her clit 2) her g spot 3) her deep spot (located very deep in her vagina, just before the opening to her cervix.

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/731039

Interesting! Now let me have a go at it and see if there's any luck... Cheers.

Super Hot Luna Maya

Finally saw the sex video of Luna Maya and Ariel. Loved Luna's body... so that's how the body of a hot babe looks like? Anw, she deserves a better guy with a bigger package. She'll get bored of Ariel's rod in no time, if she really is that horny. After this, I dont think I can listen to Peterporn, I mean, Peterpan again :P

Ariel and Luna Maya

Video: Ariel and Luna Maya

Video: Ariel and Cut Tari

p/s: Ariel has a thin dick :P I am sooooo not impressed. (Btw, they are indonesian celebs)

Piss boiler of the week

I am forced to borrow a phrase from my good friend the Grumpy Old Twat because this one nearly made me burst a blood vessel...

Basildon council has been given leave by the Courts to evict 'travellers' from an illegal site - in fact , the largest illegal traveller site in Europe - because of flagrant contravention of planning laws.

Actually, let's rephrase that. They didn't contravene planning laws, they just pretended they didn't exist and carried on anyway. Sort of stuck two fingers up to the law, really.

Now these delightful people who consider themselves above the law are to be evicted. So what do they do? Believe it or not, the cheeky fuckers write to the United Nations who, even more unbelievably, take them seriously and write to the British government accusing them of 'ethnic cleansing'!

Let's also point out at this stage that Basildon Council has offered them council housing - bet the ratepayers really love that one! However, this infringes their inalienable human rights because it does not offer them a 'culturally acceptable' alternative. Because they live in caravans not houses!

Just yesterday, they had a representative from the Equalities and Human Rights Commission come down to advise them of their 'rights'. Needless to say, she a was a foreigner.

And, apparently, they have also asked the Pope to intervene as they are all staunch catholics and are being discriminated against on religious grounds!

Christ all bloody mighty! Find me a darkened room!

You broke the planning laws. You are supposed to be travellers, so why don't you fuck off and go travelling? Preferably in another country as you feel this one treats you so badly...

The boomerang generation

Won't it be just great to have the kids back home again?

OK. You don't really need to answer that. After all, one of them might be listening in! And you wouldn't want them to feel unwanted now, would you? Never mind how you feel...

Pretty soon, lots of unemployed graduates will be leaving university and moving back into their old rooms. Back to the bosom of the family where they are loved and wanted. Well, loved anyway because what they have forgotten is that while they were away bettering themselves with higher education, Mum and Dad were enjoying some much earned freedom for the first time in years.

And now that's all gone. The parents can no longer run around the house in their underwear in case someone appears from their offsprings bedroom and demands breakfast...

But what really pisses me off is the attitudes of this boomerang generation. Attitudes like 'I don't need to clean my room because Mum will do it.' Like 'Mum will do my washing and ironing, Dad will pay the phone bill, my parents will put food on my plate' Attitudes like 'This is my home and I have a god given right to live here.'

Lots of the younger generation that I know seem to think that it is an unalienable human right that they can afford a house in their home town. We never had that expectation. We saved for years with our prospective spouses to scrimp together a deposit so we could get a mortgage on a crummy little one bed flat and even then we had to move further from town to be able to afford it. I was raised in south London, but I moved out to afford my first home. My wife was raised in Surrey, but her first home was in Reading.

A reality check is needed. You need to stand on your own two feet and assert your independence. You need a job you can do - you can get the one you want later, if ever. You can't afford a house on one income. It's not fair to live off your parents and contribute little or nothing.

Our generation lived with these realities. You selfish little buggers need to do the same...

não sei o que escrevo, porque escrevo. por vezes torno-me ridículo, mas creio que essa é a nova forma de ser original e incrível

(img aqui)

não creio que seja de propósito mas realmente sucede. não sei que fazer. as pessoas perdem-se um bocado. é bom sinal. há espaço. e podemos sempre ocupar esse espaço. sem limitações. ou talvez com elas. mas apeteceu-me escrever aquilo. a liberdade é interessante e coiso. lá estou eu ridículo outra vez mas não é de propósito. juro pelo menos um milhão de vezes. dói-me os rins, ou a bexiga. ontem aguentei a urina muito tempo. estou a ouvir música mas devia estar a dormir. passo mais de dez minutos por dia no computador. já não sei tocar guitarra, nem tenho com quem o fazer. as paredes são todas brancas com a excepção das solitárias marcas de fita-cola, os pretensiosos riscos de lápis e os numerosos vestígios mortais, ou nem por isso, de insectos voadores, a maior parte dele com o interessante hábito de voar junto aos nossos ouvidos provocando um barulho irritante para depois pousarem na nossa pele e nos sugarem o sangue. sugar é açúcar, mas tenho quase a certeza que esses insectos não sabem isso. se soubessem arranjariam uma palavra mais adequada e original. raios parta a história. era queimar tudo e começar tudo de novo. assim tenho de ser ridículo porque me vendo à doce ambição de ser original (petulante criança sou ao julgar que tal patamar me é devido ou dado sem pelo menos deixar de ser eu). não tenho de ser original. mas gostava de ser incrível. agora estou só a ser ridículo a brincar com palavras do título para terminar mais ou menos bem, depois de uma porcaria de um texto que para além de mal escrito não diz nada. podia ambicionar algo mais, mas nem sei porque é que escrevi isto agora e, por isso, não me interessa, se bem que ambicionava que amanhã fosse um dia, já que hoje foi muito aborrecido porque muitas coisas más aconteceram entre elas sei lá e outras.

moral da história: eu sei que digo muito lixo inútil mas enfim. é o que sabe melhor.

o julgamento é errado e eu também sou

Untitled by Elizabeth.Brooke @ flickr(tem ligação)

Não gosto de julgar ninguém. Faço-o muitas vezes. Demasiadas. Tenho pena de o fazer mas é algo inevitável, que surge das mais profundas e obscuras naturezas humanas, e das mais evidentes relações humanas. Toda a gente julga toda a gente, sem pensar em se julgar a si própria. Nem sequer é por isso que não gosto de julgar, mas só por si, parece-me um motivo admissível para fazermos um esforço.

Não gosto de julgar ninguém porque não sei o que se passa ao certo dentro da cabeça dos arguidos, e o que está por trás dele. Isto aplica-se especialmente a figuras públicas, sobre as quais mais não sei que pedaços de informação mais ou menos distorcida. Há por isso muitas lacunas, muitas falhas que não permitem julgar todo o conjunto da pessoa. Podemos, isso sim, julgar as acções das pessoas isoladamente, pois essas conhecemos, por vezes (convém sempre desconfiar da informação encontrada em livros e jornais).

Marylin Monroe, que muita boa gente vê como fútil e ignorante, é um excelente exemplo das falhas que podem resultar desses julgamentos. Ao que consta, para além de escrever poesia, lia, entre outros, Beckett e Joyce (Público). O julgamento que lhe é feito por algumas pessoas baseia-se unicamente na sua vida profissional, ignorando aquilo que a diva fazia por fora.

O homem é um ser limitado, tal como o são os seus julgamentos, daí não gostar de os fazer. Pena ser tão humano e natural.

Oh Shit! It's the 2018 World Cup!

Just when you thought is was all over for another four years and you were coming to terms with yet another boring football season being foisted upon us, news this week that the FIFA inspectors have arrived to inspect England's facilities in connection with their 2018 World Cup bid.

Frankly, I can't believe that having successfully bid for an Olympics that we have no money to pay for, that discreditted load of shitbags known as the Brown government has dropped us in it for another load of pretentious, unaffordable flag waving.

It's time this country came to terms with the fact that we don't actually have any money - something the coalition keeps ramming home. So where exactly is the money going to come from to pay for this load of gobshite!?

And if you want any more evidence that this was thought up by a load of fucking idiots, take a look at the picture above - 3 cunts for the price of one!

Crowned Glory

I've been contemplating about what to do with my hair... feels like it needs a little makeover.
Cut it shorter? Nooooo.
Colour it? But I like it black. (All the Miss Universes' hair are black.)

Then an article in this month's CLEO magazine sorta gave me an idea and I started doing some research on the best places in Singapore to get... you guessed it - Hair Extensions!

Actually at first I still wasnt too sure cos I'm afraid it would look too fake and some reportedly said that it would be painful (when they braid the extensions to your hair) and it would be tough to maintain. Plus, to do the entire head would cost quite a bit. After snooping around some online forums, I found out a little more about where to go and where NOT to go. For example - a few girls recommended a salon in Clementi called 'Gracious Image' or something like that but when I called the salon, there was no answer so maybe they've already closed down. Another forum member warned against this particular hair extension shop in Far East Plaza, saying that they are dishonest and would make you spend more than what was promised.

But the deal clincher was when later that night as I was surfing for porn and stumbled upon this video on Tube8 that made me scream - "I want my hair like that!!!!" (see below)

She looked soooooooo fucking hot (this, coming from a straight (maybe bi-curious) girl!) and her hair, man!!! I was sold. I had to get long hair like THAT.

So the very next day, I headed to Far East Plaza to hunt for the best deal to get me-self hair extensions. I was very careful not to walk pass the shops which I have been warned against, but after surveying a few other shops, they didnt seem to have the braid-extensions in my hair-type, and only had those clip-on types which I had decided against cos I thought it would be troublesome to put on myself.

After going around the entire mall, I was back at level 2 and that's where I walked into this shop that looked pretty decent, with a shop assistant that could communicate in decent English and had quite a good range of hair-extension types. I asked for braid-in hair-ex in my hair type and again, they don't have it. She recommended that I try the clip-ons and offered to try it on me and see how I liked it. She didnt seem too pushy so I agreed to let her fix it in my hair. When she was done and I looked at myself in the mirror, I fell in love with myself *LOL*.

I tried hard not to look too pleased and negotiated the price. For a set of 2 hair extension pieces (1 long, 1 short) was $150. My budget was $200. SOLD!

The quality of the hair felt almost natural and it blended in seamlessly with my natural hair. I told the shop assistant I wanted to put it on right away and she helped me to fix it on nicely and even used the curling thong to set the curls to perfection. I asked her if I could come back next time and get her to put it on for me again plus the curling and she said it would cost about $15. Not too bad at all! Anyway, here's how it looks (see below. Pardon the mosaic. I'm camera-shy)

I totally love the makeover! Am not the sort who sits and wait around for my shoulder-length hair to grow out so this definitely works for me. Also, I'm glad I got the clip-ons cos I only plan to wear my hair on 'jobs' so the transformation really helps me morph into 'character'.

So far I've only worn this look once, which was last Thursday. I attempted to put it on myself and it wasn't too hard. I was only afraid if it falls off in the midst of sex or if he's a hair-tugger. Erkks, that would be awkward.

So I met up with this English guy (my fave) last Thursday evening. As I was strutting in my heels and my new crowned glory down the street to the hotel, I was approached by a girl who was doing some heart foundation charity thingy (I've been cornered by them numerous times). As I was running late, I simply smiled and nodded to say that I can't stop for her to say her lines and marched on. Then behind me I heard the girl say, which totally made my day, and I swear I am not making this up. She said," Eh, her hair very nice..."

Wooohoooo!!!! My ego sky-rocketed into fireworks at that moment, as I continued to sashay down the street. In the hotel room, the usual course of action takes place - its not rocket science. As we snogged and escalated into the heat of the action, he suddenly held the back of my head, grabbed my hair and pulled me closer. I was so scared my extensions would come off and if he'd realise that I had 'clips' in my hair. It kinda hurt abit but the panic overshadowed the pain.

Another interesting thing that happened in that session - not only was he only interested in ass-play (mine) and didnt want to fuck (which is fine, to each his own fetish, whatever makes him happy), he finger-fucked me and has set the record for being the first guy who stuffed his FIVE fingers into my pussy. And his hands wasnt small either. I've always considered fisting a big No-No as I imagined it would be excruciatingly painful and rather gross and will still list it as my No-Go Zone. Five fingers? Fist? I don't want my pussy to be worn loose and gaped out!!!!! Unless you're my gynae, get your fist out of there.

Religious sensitivity

There has been a big who-ha in the States over the plans to build the Mohammed Attah Memorial Mosque on the site of the World Trade Centre in New York.

Apparently O'Bummer supports the plans, which only goes to show just how in touch he is with the people of America.

However, our reporter has learnt of similar schemes for Mosques in this country.

Plans are afoot for the building of the Hasib Hussain Islamic Cultural Centre in Tavistock Square, London. Mayor, Boris Johnson, said "The building of this cultural centre will help to heal the wounds between the Christian and Islamic communities following the events of 7th July."

Also in the pipeline north of the border is the building of the Al Megrahi Mosque in Lockerbie to be funded by donations from the Libyan government. The Libyan ambassador commented "We hope this will demonstrate to the Scottish people that we respect them deeply and are very grateful to them for the way they treated Mr Megrahi after he was found irrefutably but falsely guilty of the bombing of PanAm flight 103."

This spirit of co-operation and understanding between the two religions comes as construction starts on the new Catholic Cathedral of the Holy Crusades in Mecca.

Anyone for a Chinese?

We popped out for a Chinese last night. Do you like them as much as I do?

I wonder...

The Hitchicker's Guide to the Galaxy

Uma comédia de ficção científica que reflecte sobre o sentido da vida. Passou no outro dia na televisão. Começa com golfinhos a fugir do Planeta Terra que ia ser destruído. Confesso que o meu primeiro pensamento foi "F***-**! O flipper a esta hora?", mas quando percebi que não era bem isso, a minha curiosidade colou-me até ao final da transmissão.
É um filme diferente, talvez nunca hilariante, mas sempre bem-disposto, no seu estilo non-sense e irónico.É um filme que trás muitas respostas interessantes, acrescenta perguntas e sobretudo, revela segredos mais ou menos inesperados. Por exemplo, e se eu vos dissesse que o Homem é a terceira criatura mais inteligente da Terra? Vocês provavelmente responderiam 42. E ponto final.

Reasons I'm Not Cheerful - part 3

Ian Dury might have been cheerful, but I bloody well ain't, so as my last offering with the Blockheads seemed to be fairly well recieved, here's a short reworking of another Ian Dury classic.

And a mighty fine backing group they make, too...

A orfã

Por entre clorofórmio, sono, doenças, morte, sangue, dor, ou simplesmente atrás de uma árvore durante uma pequena sesta:

estás sozinha no mundo criança

não tenho o meu papá a minha mamã os meus irmãos

morreram todos num acidente

não morreram não foram para o céu que eu sei

estás sozinha no mundo criança

e não tu é que estás

pois estou sempre estive tal como tu

mas eu tenho amigos

e eles estão lá para ti

claro que estão sempre

ou será que estão lá para eles

cala-te parvo não gosto mais de ti és mau feio sujo gordo burro e mais mau ainda

Mas de facto, a criança estava sozinha.

The scandal of University places

Remember the mantra? "Education. education, education"

I recently exposed the scandal of the Labour's cynical exploitation of graduates in order to keep the unemployment figures looking good. Well here's an even bigger scandal - and the reason that all you poor sods out there can't get a University place.

Guess who is to blame? Yep - good old Gordon Brown again.

In 2009, the Labour Government placed a cap on additional numbers of students for the next academic year to avoid hiking up the costs to the Treasury of paying upfront fees, grants and loans.

If Universities exceed the numbers laid down by the previous administration, then they face fines of £3,700 per head.

The simple answer to this (if you are listening Mr. Cameron) is to immediately rescind this cap. If you are serious about local people deciding local issues, then you should allow the Universities to decide how many places they have and to act accordingly. This really does put your claim of devolving government decisions to the front line firmly under test.

But please remember, all you frustrated University hopefuls out there, that when you listen to the Miliband clones banging on about how this coalition government has let you down that it was LABOUR who put this cap in place.

I notice Ed Balls is keeping a low profile...

The death of the speed camera

Speed cameras are dying all over the country!

Love 'em or hate 'em? There are camps who claim they are an indisputable aid to road safety; there are camps who claim they are nothing more than revenue raisers. But now they are going. Why?

Well, you can thank Gordon Brown. He saw an opportunity to put the costs of running the system on the local authorities whilst at the same time ensuring that the fines collected went straight to the exchequer. It's the same trick he worked with parking fines.

So now that budgets are being squeezed by the new government, local authorities can no longer afford to maintain the cameras. This is scandalous as nobody wins except speeding motorists.

It is not reasonable to expect council tax payers to subsidise revenue raising 'safety' machinery where there is no benefit to them. Equally, central government will not get any revenue, and so will have a hole in its finances.

It seems the great revenue raiser has become a revenue loser. R.I.P.

O Progressivo Não-Britânico

Os anos 70 não são tão populares como os vizinhos 80, nem tão quentes como os 60. No entanto, foram o local de infância do rock progressivo, que nasceu no final dos anos 60.
Quando falamos de rock progressivo vêm-nos à cabeça nomes como Pink Floyd ou King Crimson, nomes britânicos. Bem menos popular é a música feita fora deste universo anglosaxónico. Em Portugal a obra "Onde Como Quando Porquê Cantamos Pessoas Vivas" do Quarteto 1111, da qual pretendo falar um dia, passou quase despercebida. O que não significa que este estilo de música só tenha distinção quando praticado pelos britânicos e americanos. Este estilo tende a raspar nas influências dos músicos que o praticam o que traz sonoridades interessantes e estranhas ao progressivo fora do mundo inglês.

Trago aqui duas sugestões: o rock progressivo dos portugueses Petrus Castrus (formados em 71) e o folk/rock progressivo dos suecos Kebnekajse (primeiro album em 71)

READ MORE » O Progressivo Não-Britânico

não te enerves, não te canses. provavelmente vais ter de fazer tudo sozinho e ninguém está para te acalmar

Insônia por Nothing @ olhares (tem hiperligação)

Não feches os olhos. Aguenta mais um pouco. Sei que tens sono, mas de que vale o sono? Seres transportado para um outro universo, que nem sequer é real? Achas que é? Pois bem, mas estás errado! O mundo dos sonhos não é mais do que uma ilusão para te afastar da vida. Já aqui, nesta embriaguez de realidade, na crueza desta noite cerrada, consegues ver tudo claramente, tudo realidade que se monta à tua vontade. Porque é a tua vontade que manda e impera, como deusa ardente no topo do seu altar de rosas e cravos. E tudo é ela, tudo ela a mandar. Mas sempre realidade. Como? Os sonhos derivam de percepções da realidade? Julgas-te inteligente para me contradizer? Traz-te paz dizes tu? Mas que paz é essa? Uma paz total? O sonho é uma droga que te retira o poder, todo o teu poder, gostas de ver a tua vontade transformada numa camponesa de braços sujos? Aqui não, porque a embriaguez da vida e do sono não se pode considerar uma droga, mas um estimulante que te torna no que muito bem entenderes. Ainda assim queres a paz do sono? Juro que não te entendo! Queres tanto dormir, pois dorme então, ou tens medo de acordar e de perder toda a paz que em parte já tens?

Bring back the Traffic Wardens

I don't know about where you live, but the parking situation in my town is beyond a joke!

We have two types of traffic enforcement here. Firstly, we have the Parking Attendants who are employed by the Borough Council. They look after the Council operated car parks and the street area designated for residents' parking only.

Secondly, we have the Police. They are responsible for parking on the public highway in restricted waiting areas, on yellow lines and the like.

So what's the problem? Well, the Parking Attendants walk between their designated areas totally unconcerned by all the cars they walk past on the way that are illegally parked. Not their responsibility. Nothing to do with them...

Meanwhile, the police are busy out doing Policey type things - you know, like patrolling their beats or doing community stuff or even, God forbid, catching crooks. So they don't have time to spend issuing parking tickets. Indeed, in my view, nor should they have!

So the result is that people here don't waste money on things like car parks when they know they can park anywhere on a yellow line and have a 99% chance of getting away with it. And if they do get the odd ticket, then it's still cheaper than paying for all those days using the car park.

I know one guy who parked in a one hour restricted parking bay for three months, often without moving his car for a long as three days at a time. Honest. Eventually a Police purge on that area resulted in a ticket. But parking a car for three months for the price of a single ticket still looks to be a good deal...

All this mind numbing nonsense has come about in order to promote yet another of New LieBore's stealth taxes. By criminalising on street parking, they made it the responsibility of the police rather than the council - and by doing this the money raised in parking fines goes to the Exchequer rather than the Council. Nice one Gordon! Drop Joe Public in the crap - it's alright as long as you get the money to squander.

To sort this out, the new Government needs to decriminalise parking, reinstigate Traffic Wardens and let the Council use the parking fines to cover the cost of the wardens. This will also release Police to do what they are supposed to be doing, penalise persistent offenders who are clogging up our towns, and make a contribution to local government funding.

So go on, Cleggeron, add this to your bonfire of LieBore laws at the earliest opportunity.

Ainda ontem era Julho

E eu já não sei a quantas ando...

The murder of David Kelly

Nobody is ever going to convince me that UN weapons inspector Dr. David Kelly was not murdered.

What makes me even more suspicious is that the inquest into his death was suspended and never resumed.

Lord Hutton concluded that "the principal cause of death was bleeding from incised wounds to his left wrist which Dr Kelly had inflicted on himself with the knife found beside his body".

But now some very knowledgable and eminent people are calling for the case to be reopened. Nine experts including Michael Powers, a QC and former coroner, and Julian Blon, a professor of intensive care medicine, said in a letter to the Times that the official cause of death – haemorrhage from the severed artery – was "extremely unlikely" as "insufficient blood would have been lost to threaten life."

Now prominent politicians, including former Tory leader Michael Howard and labour leadership hopeful Dianne Abbott, have called for the inquest to be resumed.

Furthermore, Hutton made a ruling to keep medical reports and photographs closed for 70 years. He said that he had made the gagging order to spare Kelly's family "unnecessary distress".

Bullshit. This is sparing no-one but the guilty. What you smell is a good old fashioned political cover up.

New Labour's house of cards has already collapsed around its ears and this whole affair reeks of the sort of manoeuvre that Francis Urquhart would have been proud of. The state cannot hold itself out to be above the law.

Something needs to be done about this right now...

Redundância

daqui

Somos sempre os mesmos, por mais que sejamos pessoas diferentes. Conservamos a memória, a linha de identidade que nos faz responsáveis pelo passado, responsáveis pelo futuro e presente, e merecedores de todos os louros em caso de resultados positivos. Somos sempre culpados, porque tudo muda à nossa volta mas nós não. É curioso como sem ninguém deixar de ser quem é tudo muda.

Por isso recaímos tantas vezes nas mesmas falhas, nos mesmos erros. Somos sempre nós, de uma forma por vezes irritante. Sádica forma de dizer "à quanto tempo!" depararmo-nos com algo que já fomos, e que apesar de numa forma não activa, ainda somos. Eu arriscaria dizer que somos redundantes. Buscamos sempre a mesma coisa, ainda que por caminhos diferentes em diferentes épocas.

Não me vou perder a discorrer em linhas o deprimente e aborrecido que é ter o nós, o futuro, passado e presente, às costas. Vou gastar apenas uma frase: não é triste ter de escolher por um nós, em detrimento de um outro, que no fundo busca a mesma coisa?

Graduate recruitment

So you got your nice shiney new degree and now you have to figure out what the hell to do with it?

Well, here is some practical advise from someone who has seen his kids go through it - and believe me, it ain't easy...

From my recent post, you will have hopefully realized that you have been conned. You were persuaded to stay on at school and go through university to keep you off the dole queue and make Labour's unemployment figures look better than they actually were.

But that is not to say you didn't do the right thing, although maybe it was not the right thing for you. Graduates tend to get jobs with other people or go on to professional qualifications. Entrepreneurs are frequently those who chose a different road. Different horses, different courses.

Here's the hard bit : your degree won't get you a job. What it will do is to establish that you have certain level of education and that you can apply yourself. It will open doors otherwise closed to you. It is not proof of intelligence. You can be thick as two short planks in the practicality stakes and still be a brilliant academic. If this is you, think about going into teaching.

And here's another heart warming statistic - In the 1980's 80% of the graduate output of this country became Chartered Accountants. What a waste of talent, but it does show that getting a job after universty wasn't any easier then either - and they didn't have JobServe!

Which brings me nicely on to my next point : If you are going into the big bad comercial world, then get yourself a computer. Use it to compose a well written and well presented cv. If you are sending it out in hard copy, print it on coloured paper - it will get you noticed.

More importantly, get onto job sites and apply for everything you can do, not just what you want to do. You need a job. You can get a career later. If you are not applying for 20 jobs a day, then you are not trying hard enough.

Don't spend all day on the computer scanning job sites. Get a routine. When you have done all you can for today, put it down until tomorrow.

And check your Facebook profile and information about yourself - your prospective boss will. If you look a prat on there, you won't get the interview.

And finally, don't give up. Winners never quit and quitters never win.

Good luck. You'll need it...

Oh Shit! It's the football season...

Dear God, how I hate football! But here it is again, so I suppose I'll just have to grin and bear it.

Anyway, here's what it's all about :

Taking in easy, init?

Your host is once more in musical mode, celebrating the promissed Coagulation Government's crackdown on benefits.

Here's a little something for the weekend that I recorded with the Eagles. Enjoy!

New superbug set to sweep the world

News today from the Department of Health that a new superbug has been discovered.

The bug, "Americanus 4nPolyC", seen pictured on the left is easily identified under the microscope by its distinctive red, white and blue stripes. It contains the deadly enzyme US4Fr which is resistant to all attempts to control it.

A spokesman for the DoH, Dr. Quango Gravietrane, said "We have tried everything to stop the progress of this bug, but nothing we do seems to make any difference. If left unchecked, it could dominate the world!" A frightening thought indeed.

The bug is believed to have originated in the Pakistan region possibly crossing the border from neighbouring Afghanistan and brought home by American troops.

There is, however, one glimmer of hope; In Scotland, a man given only three months to live has survived for a year. US officials have called for his medical records to be examined but the Scottish administration so far has resisted this call saying "We have the situation firmly under our control."

That special relationship....

Obummer has just had a birthday and we've had a change of leader. So why not take a moment to reflect on the 'Special Relationship'?

America is pulling its troops out of Iraq, so there's a glimmer of hope that we might get out of there soon too. Unfortunately, this means that there will be troops released to go to Afghanistan - where, as we already know, it is dangerous for our troops to stand in front of theirs - or indeed to be found anywhere under the USAF.

Still, we junior partners know our place - which is why we are being directed by an American general.

Then there is the impending takeover of BP by Exxon much whispered about by the underground press. They've already got rid of Tony Hayward and replaced him with one of their own. And they have also conveniently overlooked the fact that the troubled well was drilled by a rig leased from them and operated by Americans. If Dave allows that to happen, then we might as well apply to be the next state! At least that will get us out of the EU...

And then there is the Magrahi affair. These cheeky fuckers have the nerve to summon Jack Straw, the Scottish Justice Minister and Tony Hayward to attend a Congressional Enquiry. When they all declined, the yanks decided to send one of theirs over to interview them. Thankfully, the Scots showed some admirable backbone and told them to get stuffed thus halting yet another devious manoeuvre in the BP takeover.

Well done Scotland. Your country is not an American state, although ours appears to be in danger of becoming one...

A ouvir #55

A efémera morte

A ouvir #54

Eating biscuits in Biafra

I get slagged off a lot for my views that charity begins at home - like for example should we be giving free milk in schools rather than using the money to give water to Pakistanis?

Yes I know it's a disaster, just like the Ethiopian famine, the boxing day tsunami, Biafra, the Haiti earthquake and many others. Oh, I nearly forgot - there have been disastrous mudslides in China this week as well.

But what really gets up my nose - and I don't know if you have ever thought about this - is what do the news crews eat when they are filming famines? How do they get about when they are covering floods? Should that place on the helicopter have been filled with food and water rather than a camera crew?

A prime example of this was on BBC breakfast news on Sunday morning. Pictures of some poor sod and his family standing on the roof of his crumbling mud hut surrounded by flood waters. And what are the news crew using to get out there and take these pictures? Let me think - oh yes! A boat.

And did they stop and rescue aforementioned poor sod and his family? I doubt it...

Subconsciente- o rebelde

[160yen - A day on the Yamanote line] - Shinjuku - 16:43, by fabuchan @ flickr (com ligação)

Agonia-me a vida. Agonia-me a sua incerteza. Isto quando não me aborrece claro está. Prefiro a agonia ao terrível vazio do tédio, que faz apodrecer em vez de envelhecer. Não sei se hoje tédio ou agonia, mas sei com certeza que muito desagradável. Ah, que nefasta vontade de me fazer ao céu por essas janelas que não dão para lado nenhum...

O subconsciente enche-nos de sonhos, fixações, objectivos razoáveis mas longínquos, enquanto o ser razoável perde as suas horas a desfazê-los, para uma menor distância da paz. Quantas vezes me vi a acordar com sentimentos que já não tinha na noite anterior. Mais, quantas vezes me vi acordar com sentimentos que há muito não alimento e que ainda na noite anterior decidira desfazer da razão, por perceber que não existiam já. O subconsciente não aceita ordens, o subconsciente não aceita a razão, o subconsciente quer o céu e busca-o, por mais que precise de se revoltar contra todo o ser, contra a sua sanidade, e contra aquilo que parece ser a vontade do todo. O subconsciente é a minoria que nunca pare de lutar pelos seus direitos.

Não é, por isso, estranho que nos apareçam coisas na cabeça que nos não pertencem: essa é a típica estratégia terrorista desse rebelde que por vezes nos enche, por vezes se esconde, mas nunca desaparece. O ser racional esse quer a normalidade, quer a razão e combate contra todos os resquícios de alma e de insubmissão que pendam de nós. É a guerra da mente e da alma. Uma guerra amigável que nos faz seres incoerentes, mas acima de tudo, que nos faz ser.

Standards, dear boy. Standards!

I am heartened to find that in these days of anything goes that BBC viewers are outraged by an appalling drop in standards being displayed by their news readers.

Only yesterday morning on the Newswatch program, poor old Raymond Snoddy (wouldn't you change your name if that were you?) was inundated by emails and letters from outraged members of the viewing public complaining about the terrible drop in dress standards displayed by news presenters.

After all, do we not remember the good old days when even radio news readers were required to wear full evening dress?

And what caused this outrage. Why only this week Sian Williams was seen on the Breakfast sofa wearing white jeans! Shock! Horror...

Surely this could not get worse - but yes, it can! Their arts reporter (whose name escapes me and probably everyone else as well) was seen on two consecutive reports wearing denim jeans! But, as my wife so succinctly put it, she was more concerned that he hadn't changed his shirt.

Anyway, here's my suggestion for newsreaders' dress. Standards, dear boy. Standards...

Aren't our police just wonderful?

The police were called after a neighbour reported seeing a man climbing into an opened window at a house in Hartlepool.

But a search of the house turned up nothing unusual, and the owner climbed into his bed for the night after being assured there was no threat.

But a few minutes later, he was disturbed by a rustling noise underneath his bed. Switching on the light, he was rather surprised to find the burglar crawling out from under the bed. He pinned him down and the police returned to arrest him.

If the police can't even find a burglar hiding under the bed, perhaps this explains why it took them so long to pin down Raoul Moat?

A ouvir #53

ANT and DEC - The Charity Appeal

As the President of Pakistan is visiting Chequers today, I thought it would be a good time to roll out my good friends, ANT and DEC.

No - not that Ant and Dec! - ANT (Another Natural Tragedy) and DEC (the Disasters Emergency Committee). These two are once again asking for your money to bail out the flood victims in Pakistan.

Perhaps when Asif Ali Zardari is taking to David Cameron today and, no doubt holding out the begging bowl for Britains cash, he should be reminded that Pakistan is the same nation whose people last week were out in the streets burning our national flag and effigies of the man he is talking to. Perhaps he should also be reminded that our government has already pledged millions for their aid.

That aid is, of course, not government money. It is taxpayers' money. Donated without a mandate on our behalf. Money we don't actually have.

So whilst the appeal launched last night is tugging at your heart strings, do what I do and remind yourself of this : "I already gave"

Jack Shit Gordon (The makework song)

I little while ago, I alluded to the fact that nobody works in the civil service. I got a bit of stick, but actually I think that there is so much makework in this country that it deserves to be laid down in song.

So here's a little number I did with the Blockheads that sums it all up. Enjoy!

irritação

Red by RTsubin @ flickr
(tem ligação)

Essa inacção que te prende irrita-me.
Cheira-me a opressão disfarçada, ironia, palhaçada.
Aposto que não chegas lá, nem tentas. Tão fácil, tão perto, e no entanto, ignoras a distância, fechas os olhos e lá longe não chegas.
Irritas-me! Tu e essa tua estupidez enchem-me de horror, nojo e estupefacção. Como é possível essa tua inacção?
Essa vontade de fazer, de mudar e, no entanto, paras, estagnas, faleces como tudo o que não mexe.
Irritas-me tu... Irritas-me profundamente, sentado nesse sofá cor-de-pouca-acção, onde tudo parece igual.
Tudo é igual, e onde estás tu para fazeres as coisas diferentes?
Irritas-me tu... E eu irrito-te a ti...

Cutting the Police budget

Much has been said about budget cuts and how these will translate to cuts in front line services. It's an emotive subject - especially when it comes down to policing.

Which is why I was heartened the other day to listen to an interview on the BBC with a Yorkshire Chief Constable. He seems to think that cutting the budget by 12% would make no difference at all to the copper out there on the streets.

He went on to display admirable common sense by explain that we should be looking at rationalising thinks like HR services. Each service has it's own. Perhaps we could combine some or all of them?

He further explained that it is bad practice to used trained police officers in behind the scenes jobs that can be done by civilian staff. All good stuff...

But where will we get the rest of the savings from? Well, let's not forget the bonfire of stupid New Labour laws that the police and courts currenty have to deal with. By the time we have got rid of those, the load should be lightened a fair bit.

And then there's the paperwork. Simplifying that should even things out a bit too. Is 25% still looking unreasonable when you think about it?

No-one wants to see less coppers on the street - but I bet we'd all like to see less of them off the streets filling in forms?

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